PD

The last time I attempted to account for a trip, it was mainly for the purpose of myself and my own recollection at some arbitrary point in the distant future. It failed miserably because in that even, not only didn't I manage to complete the account, I only got through one day. In any case the last trip to Port Dickson (PD) was very short and I doubt I'd get stuck writing it half way. Besides, it was a relatively uneventful trip... Key word, of course, being "relatively".

We were supposed to leave on thursday morning, 8am - but as we should consider Std Indian Timing, eventually we left only about 2 hours later. And because of that I saw the practical application of the concept of "projection". At least, as I understand it. The two hour delay was blamed for every bad thing that happened along the way - some rightfully so, such as the delay at the Tuas Checkpoint - and some not so rightfully so. But eventually we reached the PD hotel at 4pm. And here's what's weird - the room was not ready. I mean, normally speaking, rooms are usually available from 2pm onwards, in most hotels. But not in this one. But hey, eventually we did settle down in the room, which had an awesome view of the PD beach (PD is famous for beaches).

Relatively Speaking
My dad has a cousin living in PD, and his life seems to make my life completely boring and dull. Which it is, I acknowledge. I shan't mention all his (and his wife's) endeavours that make me arrive at this conclusion, so I shall just say one thing. He's building his own house. With his own cement mixer, and electrical/plumbing expertise, and own hammer and nails and tiles and materials etc. Only in Malaysia.

Anyway, they took us out for dinner on Thursday to somewhere nearby - within PD town, as well as taking us to a few shops around the town to do shopping. Shopping, while being cheap, has relatively little variety. But then again, me being me, still managed to find new stuff to wear and bought them. Dinner was great (satay and fried rice), but definitely over-ordered. All in all, I think I've managed to bring back added weight from Malaysia.

As I always do.

For dinner on Friday, my dad's other cousin from KL drove down the 1.5 hours (probably he did it in 45 min) to PD for dinner at a seafood restaurant. The crab looked so good, but as usual, I don't dare eat it. Though now i think about it, I ought to have at least taken a bit at the end of the meal. Ah well, no point regretting.

Malaysian Driving
If I was a level N driver before, now I safely can say I'm at least a level N+2 driver. Driving in New Zealand was super easy as compared to Malaysia.

The first harrowing experience was actually on the NS highway itself. Though once I got the hang of it, it was relatively easy. The harrowing part was mainly the speed of the other vehicles on the road. This originally was a new experience, but once the mind gets used to it (the pattern) it became easy to handle. Which explained why South-to-North was much more difficult than North-to-South.

Secondly, for dinner on the second day (Friday), the seafood restaurant was at some super-ulu place that I still doubt even has a name. Following my uncle's car at night was difficult to say the least. Difficult for him too, cos he had to drop his usual speed probably by half. There's a marked difference between these "back-roads" at night and during the day. I could have been driving straight through the jungle and I wouldnt have known it. Eventually, of course, it turned out that I had actually driven past a school, a Malay graveyard, a Chinese graveyard, and a dead dog sprawled on the road. Technically speaking, I did see the dead dog sprawled on the road - abit to late though - and technically speaking drove over it, rather than past it.

And after dinner (at 12mn), driving back, my uncle decided to let loose and drive as fast as he wanted to. I lost him very quickly after that, but luckily my aunt was in the car to help guide me back. To be honest, my ego wouldnt let me say that I lost him that fast - I did successfully tail him for a fair distance, mainly thanks to some well-placed traffic lights.

Sun on the Beach
PD is famous for its beaches. But I didnt manage to get into the sea. At all. Such a waste. It was a combination of laziness on my part, and incessant thunderclouds, and occasional rain, that kept me off the beach. But I did walk by the beach twice - of course both times interrupted by the heaven's crying.

But as I always say, the beach always looks most beautiful just before it rains. So yes, I did get wonderful views of the beach. From both the hotel room and the beach itself.

Anyway, as usual, photos on FB. Soon.

PS. For all who don't know yet, PD is in Negeri Sembilan.

IPPT

Looking back at the past few posts i think there's a whole new emo-phase transformation. Its not my fault. I didnt realise it.. Ah well..

So good news is that the exams are done with. But i still have waking nightmares where i'm rushing to an exam that i woke up late for. Now i feel like Hermione Granger when confronted with a Dementor and seeing that she failed all her exams. According to my mum these nightmares will last even when i'm not doing exams anymore. I disagreed, saying that when i amnt doing exams, i wouldnt possibly be dreaming this. Sadly, mother always knows best - the next night i had a nightmare about being late for a Malay Exam. I haven't taken Malay since 5 years ago.

On a darker note, i believe i have stomach flu - havent been well for the past few days - what a sucky way to look forward to my birthday.

Over here i'll also post a reminder for next year - and advice for other NSMen - don't postpone IPPT too much. OR you'll end up doing your IPPT whilst suffering from stomach flu. And that could make you fail it. Actually, also must add in the fact that a combination of viral fever and exams and depleted my fitness severely.

I was still too disappointed after IPPT to cool down. THAT turned out to be a disaster cos in addition to gasto-entritis i also could not move my aching body around.

---

Back to the brighter side, there was two surprise birthday parties in a row - one of them being for me. And I would like to thank everyone who made them possible - and for the thought of throwing one for me.

cheers~

At the end of the Universe...

What lies beyond the Universe, i used to ask. I used to imagine space as a box (an ever expanding box, granted thanks to the expansion of the Universe, which I knew about even then). But still i would wonder what happens when you get to the end of it.

---

I'm so tired of everything. Tuition has ended - the 'A' level maths exam is over tomorrow. And so that chapter is over. But now i am left with nothing but my studies. And I cannot make that first in my life. I don't know what's beyond this phase.

Worse, I dont know how to be happy. I need to know how to be happy. I just don't know.

---

I think my path laid out for me is a very slippery slope - easy to get onto the wrong path. Easy to fall into a ravine where there is only more misery. Only problem is I think this chosen path has a lot of thorns to fight against. There we go - more misery again.

---

I know i should be grateful i don't have to worry about exams - they are one less thing to worry about and technically they're my element. I could live my life just doing them; i know i must sound super weird and nerdy. But there's smthg abt solving questions that other people can't that really ought to make you feel good about yourself? Probably the same reason why some people run marathons on end. Or become astronauts.

But for now, this year, i think even exams can't cheer me up. The metaphorical octane that i'd use to drive me forward seems to be tainted. I feel like an old car spewing out black smoke, as far as exam preparations are concerned.

As far as life is concerned, I think i'm just the black smoke.

This is as much as a prayer - teach me to be happy.

Panoramic View of the Fabric

I must learn to take things positively, rather than continuously allow my soul to be eroded by this attritive environment.

I've lately discovered a technique that pretty much allows me to place myself above the environment - viewing it from a bird's eye perspective; almost taking the environment as a study into human psychology and behaviour. Well, pretty much actually taking the environment as a study of human behaviour.

I suddenly got reminded of Dr Manhattan from Watchmen; how he isolated himself from the world, partly because he felt no connection to mankind.

Apparently I'm waiting for any anchor. Any anchor at all that attaches me to this world. Apparently I have to be patient and some sort of anchor would come along.

In my study of the humans in NUS, I noticed one thing - they are a communal society; perpetually either in direct or indirect contact with their fellow humans. Each of them is anchored to this world by another, creating a complex web to which they are all bound. Its almost interesting, and yet sad at the same time.

While this aerial view is panoramic and very educational, some parts of me actually want to join the messed up tangled web that is mankind. Currently can't think of a reason why.

But somehow I feel that I really have to let go of this longing to belong to that web.

Because that web isn't permanent. It's continuosly changing. "People always leave" is a cliche that still holds.

The countless cliques form around the individuals trapped in between them. It's easy to be invisible. It's easy to yearn to belong - harder to accept that perhaps its pointless to 'belong' after all, because ultimately we only belong to God, not to this world here that we have so efficiently mutilated. And penultimately we belong to ourselves - just like everyone out there.

I was detached by this world as cliques crystallised around me; finally cut off when my last anchor to the web snapped free. It wasn't my choice, and I've moped enough.

The view up here is panoramic. From up here, once you are comfortable with your position, you see the whole social fabric. You don't question whether you like it or dislike it, you accept it for what it is. But paradoxically, once you manage to detach yourself from every single person there; you're connected to each and every one of them.
Each and every one of your research subjects.

Smile

I've been looking for this song for a long long time since I heard it on the radio..

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Day 8

Day 8 of a new chapter in my life. And I had a really really horrible dream.

Note: NOT a nightmare. A dream.

Because I didn't want it to end. I really did not.

It started with me going to prison; being turned in by my own mother... But thats just probably explained by a tv-show that i had just watched. And that wasn't the horrible part.

The horrible part was coming out of prison. And seeing her.

That's what it was. A dream and nothing more.

The only previous time that i ever had a dream that i really did not want to end was when i was a genie in my dream i.e. had magical powers. But i would so rather have this dream than that.

A Sense of Belonging

Ben Anderson dealt with the definition of nations. But somewhere in his notion of a nation being an imagined community, I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Mostly to the idea of how people need to belong, and how they identify themselves with communities. Like go up to a hardcore Victorian (from VJC or VS) and he will definitely profess a fair bit of loyalty and probably even space out for a few microseconds reminiscing about the awesome times he had at that school. Clearly, from my tone, I'm not he.

I don't identify myself with many groups, even though, in my experience, identification with a particular group can definitely break the ice. I remember two incidents, previously, where I was forced into proximity to people and there was clearly nothing to talk about. And then miraculously something came up (once it was soccer, and once it was a computer game) and suddenly that broke the ice.

But clearly identifying myself as a "soccer fan/player" or "fan of that computer game" does not suffice. I mean, where are these people now?

And identifying myself as an engineer (or a business student) is soo far from the truth. I need a smaller group that i can truly identify myself with, cos curently, i can't.

And everybody needs to belong right?

The Line

Its almost been a month; and this is a suprise, considering how many times I found myself blogging in my head. But then, its those times when you have that I-need-to-blog-in-my-head that two things happen:

1. You're not at a computer terminal
2. You would have censored that post anyway

Because face it, even given the false assumption that anyone actually bothers to read a blog that's updated very very erratically and infrequently, we wouldnt want the world to ACTUALLY hear what's in our heads. I dont know why. Fear that they wouldn't care, perhaps? Or worse, fear that they would pretend to?

I was miserable a couple of days back. At the risk of sounding cryptic, I thought I was imagining a phenomenon that made me feel worse. And then an incident happened where I realised that I wasn't imagining it - and the mere irony of it put abit of laughter into my day. Even if the phenomenon was truly happening to me.

I think it just serves to give me a clear path ahead. Of what I should do; and who matters to me. Doesnt really makes sense if people to whom you dont matter, matter alot to you, does it?

I used to think my issue was that people always leave. But now I realise that's not my issue. People do leave, but its a way of life - everyone gets that. My issue is that people don't come. And for so long I've accused myself of not making the necessary inroads to facilitate this development (people coming) - and then I realise that its just a matter of wrong target audience.

But for now, the line between friend and pseudofriend will be drawn. And we start with a clean (or good) slate.

---

On a different note - the USOpen of Tennis - I finally was interested in the ladies draw since the fairytale of Kim Clijsters is taking place. And of course in the men's, Nadal's defeat to del Potro was easily foreseeable considering their styles of play. I thought he'd lose, not get annihilated though. But upon watching that match, I actually opine that that was the closest fought annihilation i have ever seen. As much of an oxymoron that may be.

The "King of Queens" RF marches on towards another final and hopefully another grand slam to his name - after a shot in the semis that probably was a testament to his alien/divine origins. Considering the divine argument, Djokovic should not have been looking up to the heavens pleadingly - just across the net. He seems out to set a mark that the hypothetical Agassi - Graf child would struggle to come up to.

---

I really oughtnt have been watching that game - or blogging for that matter - considering i have a mid term test tmr. urgh...

14 days later

14 days later and finally the admin is settled. I am (re)settling into uni life; even if for some absurd reason settling into year 1 seemed easier. Maybe because this semester, as mentioned elsewhere, requires so much more variety in thinking; more than my usual capability of two brains - one for biz, one for engin.

So many laments about the DDP that i'm taking; yet i ain't quitting any time soon. But if the story of German were to repeat itself (hopefully not) i'll quit before they fire me. Standard Operating Procedure.

OR perhaps that was 7 years ago - this is now.

Anyway, next week tutorials start so looks like i'd have to start my work. And fortunately, this year i have one less module to cope with, albeit the exact same amount of MCs to deal with. i'm just hoping that i can go on overseas exchange to 'enjoy' abit. At least away from this murder of a place.. In so many ways.

My New Term Resolution - to get a SAP i deem reasonable; perhaps similar to first sem, and at the same time to get as much playing (off-computer) done as possible. this includes Ping Pong, Badminton, Soccer, Tennis etc..

But now, soo tired.

When School Starts

Irritatingly enough, school has started and the complication of taking a unique blend of courses has begun to show its ugly face. Both core Biz Modules decided to have their examinations on the exact date (and time) as the two core Engin Modules that most of Year 2 MSE students are taking. So I ended up salvaging a last hope of the MLE experience by taking another core module. And then I get to discover that I'm taking it with 56 other Year 3 MSE students. I think.

At least 50 other Year 3 MSE students to a 99% confidence interval.

55 to a 90% confidence interval.

And no, I didn't sign up for Statistics. Which, on hindsight, would have been the intelligent choice upon dropping this Year 3 - infested module. Not that I'm against them, even if I did use a word loaded with negativity. Its just that

1. I don't know anyone. At all. Not even seen before.
2. Everyone else has experience / knowledge that really ought to give a competitive advantage.

I must consider the benefits / advantages.

1. My knowledge of the pre-requisite MLE1101 is fresher.

Ultimately I've already leant towards taking this module, partly as a challenge for myself (like I need that).

And mainly because the time for signing up for a replacement module is OVER.

---

More complaints about the unique combinations - I have two FYPs to complete, apparently. And I might actually have two Job attachments; though this second point, upon mulling over doesn't seem sensible. Though it would definitely be beneficial.

Good news is that I have four more years to deal with this - which means 2 more slots for me to fill up with internships, and perhaps one with a special semester. If absolutely necessary.

Rules of Order

When I was in Sydney, I started on a mini project - to find a general "rule" for the vehicle number plates. Very quickly I came up with a hypothesis - that all vehicles had 6 alphanumeric characters on each of their license plates. Then Day 4, and I crashed into my first problem - the taxi. It didnt have 6 characters. And neither did the buses. So I partitioned the set of vehicles into private cars, buses and taxis; because that made sense. Or else right from the beginning we would have to include trains and ferries and boats (which actually DO have license plates) in the category vehicles. So cars had 6 alphanumeric characters.

Then came another blow. A car with 5. But fortunately, upon closer inspection, the car's number plate did not state (pardon the pun) NSW (New South Wales) but ACT (Something to do with Canberra, similar to Wilayah Perseketuan in M'sia). So the formula read likeso: All cars from NSW had 6 alphanumeric characteristics. That held for another 5 more days.

Until Day 9. Last day. An NSW car with 5 characters. Not just one, but two. There went the hypothesis. So eventually I conceded that I did not have sufficient time to establish a working formula for License Plates in Sydney.

---

This event draws a parallel to how I've tried desperately for years to subconsciously connect people's characteristics. But like the above case, just when you get one working generalisation/hypothesis along comes one anomaly.

There is supposed to be underlying order beneath the chaos that is humanity. People who understand that order, even subconsciously, wield certain powers. I've an unhealthy addiction to order.

Everyone can do it to some level - its called EQ; understanding people.

But we look for the Grand Unified Theory - similar to Asimov's psychohistory - that links all humanity; one set of rules that partition humanity and generalise it to a degree that enables it to be used sufficiently well to better the world.

Sydney 2009

I'm back from Sydney. Oh yes. I went to Sydney. And now I'm back.

I like Australia. I like it better than Europe, mainly because I don't like Europe all too much. I like New Zealand better, of course. But I like Australia too.

Anyway, I hadnt been to Sydney in around 15 years, so duh, the city had changed a bit. Not that I can remember much from then. On one hand, I know that Sydney was bigger last time round. Or perhaps I was smaller. More likely the second one. For one, the Olympics hadn't come to Sydney yet.

If I write down everything that we (Gobi, Naf, Puvanes, I) did, a few problems would arise.

1. I'll take forever
2. I'll write the wrong things
3. I'll get lazy
4. You'll get bored

So I'll summarize by glossing over more mundane stuff and giving snippets on what's there to see at Sydney etc.

...

Day 1 (Thursday):

• Arrival at Sydney
• Walk to Sydney Park (halfway back to the Airport, incidentally)
• Sleep
• Visit Sydney Uni
• Watch Transformer
  

Day 2 (Friday):

• Visit Sydney Uni again
• Play badminton
• Visit Paddy's Market

Day 3 (Saturday):

• Visit Eveleigh Market (Flea Market)
• Visit Circular Quay (i.e. Oprah's House, HarboUr Bridge)
• Visit Botanic Gardens, Library, and Hyde Park Barracks
• Walk around Hyde Park (St Mary's Cathedral, Sydney Tower)
• Dinner at Mr & Mrs Kumar's place (Landlords-Friends-Neighbours) - Beautiful Dinner btw.
• Wimbledon ladies final.

Day 4 (Sunday)

• Coogee to Bondi Beach walk
• But arrived at Bondi Beach only after Sundown.
• Attended Mass at St Patrick's Church at 8pm.
• Wimbledon Men's Final. History was made.

Day 5 (Monday)

• Circular Quay (Customs House, Ferry Ride)
• Darling Harbour
• Naval Museum

Day 6 (Tuesday)

• Circular Quay
• Sydney Harbour Bridge (Crossing)
• Ferry back

Day 7 (Wednesday)

• BLUE MOUNTAINS!!! @ Katoomba

Day 8 (Thursday)

• Museum of Sydney
• Hyde Park Barracks (again)
• Paddy's (again)
  

Day 9 (Friday)

• Sydney Olympic Park

Day 10 (Saturday)

• Justice & Police Museum
• The Rocks
• Bondi Beach
• Dinner @ the Kumar's

Day 11 (Sunday)

• Church (St Mary's Cathedral)
• Aeroplane back

---

Just a bit of details about a bit.

Blue Mountains

At 1000+m into the sky, the temperature there is a fair bit lower than elsewhere. Not only that, we were literally walking in a cloud. Literally. Visibility was very poor as long as the cloud was there, but thankfully, the clouds kept moving so visibility was an on-off thing.

From Katoomba train station, we took a bus down to the scenic areas from where we walked, took a cable car, a very steep 30second train ride, and a walk through a rainforest. The scenery was fantastic, although we did not manage to see the crowning glory of the place - the 3 sisters rock formation. Reason being, we were in a cloud that was not relenting. Nevertheless, when we were not looking into the nothingness offered by trying to look through a cloud, we were treated to great scenery.

In terms of weather, it was raining. in the cloud. a phenomenon i didnt think possible. but it happened. Apart from that it was cold. very cold. finger movement was thus limited.

Sydney Olympic Park

In the light of recent events at Wimbledon, London, the world has proclaimed the greatest player to ever hold a tennis racquet to be Roger Federer. Now to those who didnt know this, RF met his future wife in Sydney, while they were training for the Olympics. So while Fed-craze was still fresh in the light of Wimbledon, we went hunting for the ground where RF first met Mirka - Sydney Olympic Park. Perhaps we could find an "RF + M" engraved in a tree somewhere since RF was still a teen and not a legend at that time.

However hours of searching yielded no tree with "RF + M" or anything of that sort. Looking back, I'd have done the world a favour by engraving it myself. Apart from that, it felt good to stand on grounds where great athletes once competed, 9 years ago.

The map of Olympic Park gave us the impression it could be covered easily. But after walking around for half an hour and realising we only walked 10% of the map, that was not feasible. Obviously. So we were content with 40% of Sydney Olympic Park. Which definitely included the tennis center.

Still Waters

Still waters run really deep.
Sometimes so deep that you could be swimming in it and unaware of the current deep below.

And you happily - well at least not despairingly - play at the surface.
Thinking that life's not that bad.

And it happens very suddenly.
Very very suddenly.

And then you drown.
Only that you don't die.
You definitely drown.

And why on earth did you test the deep water?

Away From The Sun

Quick update, since i dont want this blog to die a slow and painful death that happens to so many other blogs. And since i dont want to do the noble thing and kill the blog by either moving it to a different URL so that it seems i was bored with the old one OR by just stopping blogging altogether, i'm jus putting a short post (which wont be that short) in.

Now, since my last post;

1. Exams have started (bad)
   
2. Exams have ended (good)
   
3. Exam results are out (good)
   
4. Holidays have started
5. Planning for my Sydney Trip has started
6. Roadbumps (not unexpected) in the planning for my Sydney Trip have started
7. I started a soccer team
8. I organised a training session for the soccer team
9. The soccer team got disbanded

Generally the trend is simple. I start something. It fails.

I think we just have to take the little victories we have that come along the way... The most recent would be the fact that I'm going to Sydney!!!

So many reasons to be happy about that:

1. Chilling with good friends
2. Chilling with cool weather (literally)
3. Related to above, not burning up in this idiotic heat
4. Freezing in Bondi Beach (its winter)
5. Freezing in Blue Mountains (its winter and a mountain)
6. Skiing??! I so want to try.
7. And a long trip Away from the Sun (again related to points two and three)...

Weather killing me.

Anw, i read in a book recently that a huge negative point about human beings is the amount of time we spend complaining. So i'll just give it a go and try to be positive.

I'm sweating out carbs..? Well i tried.

Goodnight~

Evolution

Blogs that complain about the weather could be considered super dull because "the weather", as we all know, has a stigma attached to it as a conversation topic (and thus blog topic) as being extraordinarily dull. And you only bring it up when you have nthg else to say, like for example to a long lost cousin from England, or India. Or Tekong. Whatever.

Anw, so this entry is about evolution. Because i'm more highly evolved than the ordinary person. Yes. And i'm not boasting.

We all know that i cant stand the cold. Well, yeah not ALL of us know, but at least most people who know me know that i cant stand the cold. I mean, the LT is way too cold for me, and i'm always in sweaters etc. I also never turn on the aircon in my room. Ok very very rarely.

But this recent heat wave has taught me - i'm more prepared for global warming than most people. In fact, i'm about up there with those people who have evolved gills and/or flippers to survive when tide levels start to rise. Hm.

No i think they'd still be more highly evolved than me.

So i'll just have to wait for my flippers to grow. Its coming...

The Beginning of the End

I've taken a deep long breath. Because finally.. and i say FINALLY.. all my projects and continual assessments have come to an end. Financial Accting project finally handed up, and the last of the CS Labs (12%) was on wednesday and the last of the EG Labs (5%) was just now. So they're all over. And i feel like taking a breath to enjoy that right now.

Of course after releasing that breath i would then realise that i still hv final exams to fight for. It might be a relief to know there's only 40% of CS grade left to fight for.. but still...

Once i release that breath i would have to start to worry. But for now. I'm holding my breath...

Why?

I am so freaking tired of work.

And i so freaking have a vacancy in the middle of my chest.

I just want to go to sleep.

I can't move my feet.

I can't move my mind.

I can't move my heart.

Its not fun anymore.

Not at all.

I'm just so freaking tired.

Of all this.

And all that.

Just so tired.

Lethargic.

Demotivated.

That sums it up best.

Demotivated.

Disheartened.

Destroyed.

Reflecting on Stress Theory

Cox and Mackay, in "A psychological model of occupational stress" stated that the human being has an ideal state of stress in which his performance is maximised. Below this state, there would be underperformance due to boredom, and, more obviously, above that level, the person would be too stressed to perform well.

Over the past week or so, i've tested this theory, and found it holds very true. Usually, i am unstressed. At least compared to my counterparts, because i'm lazy and unambitiious. Mainly the latter. I usually suppress (or at least attempt to suppress) the competitive edge for fear of stress. Then i noticed that my performance had dropped. So i gradually started to increase the stress level, turning the knob slowly but steadily.

Now, if i had paid heed to Cox and Mackay, or perhaps had a better understanding of where that idealised stress level within myself lay, i would have been better able to estimate when i should have stopped turning that knob.

Fortunately, turning that knob up just before my mid terms meant that my mid terms (generally) outperformed last year's. Unfortunately nt knowing when to stop increasing the stress meant that eventually (for my last test) i just got too tired to even do the paper.

Looking back at that test, the extent of this phenomenon of lethargy had caused me to not even think during the test. I would really be surprised if i passed that test.

True failure is when you dont learn from your mistakes. Hence lets take failure and turn it into a learning experience. Do not mess with Cox and Mackay. They were right...

- Stress Theory-

benp

The Boxing Match

There comes a time when you should not (not even think of) blog. I've reached that time. And just as human nature would predict, voila. Blog. Not long though.

Just need to say... kids, please dont take a double degree if your lifelong ambition is after all to be a stoner and/or a slacker and/or a shepherds assistant.

They're taking turns to fire in their punches. Started around the recess week. Biz threw the first blow, taking 3 out of my 5 SACRED recess week days. I KNOW that it is against my doctrine to study (excessively?) during recess week; hence it didnt really take away much of my study time. What that DID take away was my precious God-given sleeping time. Urgh.

As if that wasnt enough, along comes engin in full swing, quick on the update to hit me with MidTerms. 5 of them.. Well biz contributed one MidTerm as well.

But then the punches were flying thick and fast. Engin fires in weekly Labs of CS and (PC or EG). The blows are coming thick and fast. And just as i'm on the ropes.. Along comes biz with PROJECT DEADLINES! All coming. Raining down furiously...

And then...

.
.
.

Just as consciousness would gradually begin to drift away, i'm sure they will both come with their greatest knock out blow they can muster - Final Exams. All 6 of them.

.
.
.

And then we can all rest. Finally..

.
.
.

Just Keep Running

I finally have started on revision, 3 days too late. I'm excused, at least by myself. I was tired. Very tired. Went to sleep before dinner last night, and woke up this morning only. 14 hrs solid. No food. Well just as well cos yesterday was Ash Wednesday - Fasting and Abstinence. (Yes, i know its cheating...)

Actually I did wake up for a little while at 4am, but slept again by 4.01. If only i had remembered that yesterday was Liverpool Champions' League match. Though probably I would then have woke up at 4, told myself that it would be a complete waste of time to watch my loserific Liverpool lose and/or play frustratingly unpenetratingly (i.e. like against Man City), and then gone to sleep again at 4.02.

Turns out they did win. But it wasnt worth the risk.

---

Still feeling this blog will be under construction for some time. Maybe minor tweakings here and there. But still all will be well.

I've got a new hobby. No, hobby's not the right word. But definitely i'll be using it to flush a little bit of stress out of my system. Running. Turns out...

• (a) i'm running in the marathon at the end of the year
• (b) i've got a nike training log

Thx gobs. Haha..

I think i need that little (or huge) push once in a while (or always) when it comes to doing something i'm not completely commited to do. But i think Newton's law applies to me. Once i'm in motion, i won't stop that easily.

Well, unless friction gets to me.

All the same, i'm going to let a little element of Forrest Gump's "just keep running" mentality seep into my system.

By the way Forrest Gump is a nice movie. I dont know what it meant to you, but to me, it just shouted these words. "Life's not that difficult. Stop overcomplicating it!"

Which resonates, especially at times like these..

Delta Blog

I really really need to become rich and successful. Reason being i really really need a secretary. How many people would hv only just checked their mid term exam schedule last night? And realise that in fact, mid terms are next week?

I'm pretty unprepared, and yet calm. I dont know why. I've been forced to waste away the past three days with a course. Well, not really a waste, but i'd really hv preferred it if this course wasn't before significant exams.

Urgh..

Anyway just for a change in life - because everything around seems to be changing as much as they stay the same - I'm going to change my blog layout.

Time for change.

For real, this time.

Blurp Blurp Gurgle Gurgle

blurp blurp gurgle gurgle...

ahh..

help i'm drowning in worrrrkkk-blurpp blurpp gurgle gurglee...

*deep breath*

feel like going to sleep under the water.

blurp blurp gurgle gurgle...

/*----------------------------*/
actually work == quite fun;
i'm having a fair bit of fun;
especially with c;

too much fun (neglecting other topics)
bad;
must divide time (wisely)
good;

end;
/*----------------------------*/

haha okay i'd better go to sleep before i type more rubbish...

When Gravity is too Strong

This is general theory, littered with mistakes, but conceptually true.

When a star dies, it has this option. To collapse upon itself, and to become a black hole. The black hole is usually associated with emptiness, destruction and darkness.

I might have taken that path - imploding upon myself. Mainly because the alternative would be to explode. Supernova style. That's not me.

Now i know only emptiness, darkness, and destruction of myself. Perceivably (which ultimately is reality) let down by everything in my surroundings. Darkness - no spring in my step, no smile in my eyes. Empty, unfeeling.

We all have days when we feel it can't get any better. But my life feels like Walls Street.

And Walls Street doesnt seem to be kicking up anytime soon.

S0 we wait it out.