Panoramic View of the Fabric

I must learn to take things positively, rather than continuously allow my soul to be eroded by this attritive environment.

I've lately discovered a technique that pretty much allows me to place myself above the environment - viewing it from a bird's eye perspective; almost taking the environment as a study into human psychology and behaviour. Well, pretty much actually taking the environment as a study of human behaviour.

I suddenly got reminded of Dr Manhattan from Watchmen; how he isolated himself from the world, partly because he felt no connection to mankind.

Apparently I'm waiting for any anchor. Any anchor at all that attaches me to this world. Apparently I have to be patient and some sort of anchor would come along.

In my study of the humans in NUS, I noticed one thing - they are a communal society; perpetually either in direct or indirect contact with their fellow humans. Each of them is anchored to this world by another, creating a complex web to which they are all bound. Its almost interesting, and yet sad at the same time.

While this aerial view is panoramic and very educational, some parts of me actually want to join the messed up tangled web that is mankind. Currently can't think of a reason why.

But somehow I feel that I really have to let go of this longing to belong to that web.

Because that web isn't permanent. It's continuosly changing. "People always leave" is a cliche that still holds.

The countless cliques form around the individuals trapped in between them. It's easy to be invisible. It's easy to yearn to belong - harder to accept that perhaps its pointless to 'belong' after all, because ultimately we only belong to God, not to this world here that we have so efficiently mutilated. And penultimately we belong to ourselves - just like everyone out there.

I was detached by this world as cliques crystallised around me; finally cut off when my last anchor to the web snapped free. It wasn't my choice, and I've moped enough.

The view up here is panoramic. From up here, once you are comfortable with your position, you see the whole social fabric. You don't question whether you like it or dislike it, you accept it for what it is. But paradoxically, once you manage to detach yourself from every single person there; you're connected to each and every one of them.
Each and every one of your research subjects.