Balance

I don't even know if the concept of balance is real. Everytime i feel slightly balanced, i just get tipped off the other end; and then i'm imbalanced again. Seems like life is one giant tightrope. or see-saw.

I really thought i found a balance. Something to keep me sane. But then, what happens when that very thing that keeps you sane while the world is spinning out of control - your gyroscope, if you may - starts to warp your sanity.

Why is it that i just seem to be reverting back to who i was in secondary school? Plus a few faults, though.

Secondary school me is a fine regression, actually. Brings me back to a part of my life where i can actually say i was happy. So many parallels - my 4/1 class and my MSE class. highly symmetric, if i think about it.

And as before, there's someone who makes it worth the while.

That was the balance.

And now, that balance has been tipped. Must now untip it.

Moving on...

With regards to the previous post, and considering the bout of epic carelessness, i'm happy to say that it didnt cost me the whole 7% - only about 5%. And that being considered, i'm still above the mean. Which just goes to suggest that i probably did exceedingly well for the other questions. And hence, i'm very glad.

Overall, i'm very satisfied with all my results, even if i'm still barely in the 2nd quartile of the DSC2003 cohort - the module in which the epic bout of carelessness struck. The rest of the modules have been kinder, and hopefully i will see myself picking up a few A's this sem. Even considering the fact that i actually bet against myself doing so. Either way i'm happy in some way, right...

Again, moving on...

I got to get rid of this habit of procastination. I always keep saying that i can always do it tomorrow. But soon, tomorrow will be the deadline for that, and then today will be a mad rush of N assignments. grr..

And i got to get my life more balanced out. People keep calling me "imba". Imbalanced. Not good. Though perhaps if i actually question the context, i would see that its a compliment.

Ok it is a compliment.

But physically, very weak. Losing muscle mass too fast.

Ok. enough procastination. to work now.

Fateful Temptation

I really didnt know that Fate reads my blog. And i definitely didnt mean to tempt Fate when i suggested that I'd probably get a decent grade barring a bout of unforeseen carelessness.

But apparently Fate took it as a temptation, and i really didnt mean it that way. Nevertheless, i shall refrain from tempting Fate subsequently to minimize the possibility that i will screw up a midterm (almost failing, probably) purely out of carelessness.

It is the second time i've completely mis-read a question during a mid term. And this time it's cost me a good 7% off my final grade (as opposed to 2% the last time). So i reckon its just praying for leniency from the markers for someone who does know his stuff but does not know how to read Minimise from Maximise.

And to stave off complacency for all subsequent examinations.

Why-te Hairs

This is not the time to blog. Its the time to sleep. But being in hall seems to warp time and space - reminiscent of how the Men In Black survive.

But sadly i'm still ever so dependent on sleep so i am compelled to make this post short; neglecting the inherently verbose aspect of myself. Which, mind you, is genetically passed on to me from my dad.

I'm blogging because i'm halfway through my 6 papers. For those who can't do the math (you know who i'm talking to) that means i'm done with 3. And 3 to go.

So far the tests have been relatively kind to me - while not easy such that the effects of carelessness are amplified - not too hard in the sense that the questions can be done. Of course, i do not expect full marks like some people (again, you know who i'm talking to; albeit a different group from the above mentioned group), but i could expect - bar a serious bout of unforeseen carelessness - a decent mark.

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On a completely separate note (though i would allow quantum tunneling across the barrier i drew above), apparently i have a reputation (for grades??) in MSE. Once more, not perpetuated by me. Good and bad. Good in the sense that it IS, after all, a morale booster. Bad in the sense that it IS, undeniably, adds a substantial self-induced pressure.

On that note, i was wondering where all this self-induced pressure came from - and i've come up with a hypothesis.

Its the gradual procession - the one in which i was unexpectedly told that great things were expected of me - getting addicted to academic excellence right from a tender age. Many people are addicted to this, i know. But eventually realism (or age) catches up and they find other attractions in life. But i'm not. IF anything, MY new attraction is understanding the universe.

I'm on the quest to answer every 'why' - even though out of every 'why', there springs N more 'why's (much like white hairs). Which obviously leads us to a Heisenberg or Godel-like conclusion that (interpreted in my own way) science knows crap.

Oh by the way - sidetracking - Apparently even the heisenberg's uncertainty principle is uncertain. I've seen two different formulae for the same thing.

But godel. Godel just begs the question why do we do this crap.

Which gets back to addiction to knowledge. True knowledge probably is divine - concluded. God's probably the only one who knows the exact velocity and displacement of any particle at any time. Maybe because (theologically speaking) time is a non-existent dimension to Him. But hey, once more, true knowledge - not ours.

What we might have, though, is "pseudo-knowledge". Its what enabled us to develop technology so far. This tiny subset of knowledge that has enabled us to progress (apparently). And the aim of expanding this set of "pseudo-knowledge" is to better mankind. Which is why we do it. And which is why I do it.

The ambition is still to save the world. Even if i'm still struggling to save myself.