Away From The Sun

Quick update, since i dont want this blog to die a slow and painful death that happens to so many other blogs. And since i dont want to do the noble thing and kill the blog by either moving it to a different URL so that it seems i was bored with the old one OR by just stopping blogging altogether, i'm jus putting a short post (which wont be that short) in.

Now, since my last post;

1. Exams have started (bad)
   
2. Exams have ended (good)
   
3. Exam results are out (good)
   
4. Holidays have started
5. Planning for my Sydney Trip has started
6. Roadbumps (not unexpected) in the planning for my Sydney Trip have started
7. I started a soccer team
8. I organised a training session for the soccer team
9. The soccer team got disbanded

Generally the trend is simple. I start something. It fails.

I think we just have to take the little victories we have that come along the way... The most recent would be the fact that I'm going to Sydney!!!

So many reasons to be happy about that:

1. Chilling with good friends
2. Chilling with cool weather (literally)
3. Related to above, not burning up in this idiotic heat
4. Freezing in Bondi Beach (its winter)
5. Freezing in Blue Mountains (its winter and a mountain)
6. Skiing??! I so want to try.
7. And a long trip Away from the Sun (again related to points two and three)...

Weather killing me.

Anw, i read in a book recently that a huge negative point about human beings is the amount of time we spend complaining. So i'll just give it a go and try to be positive.

I'm sweating out carbs..? Well i tried.

Goodnight~

Evolution

Blogs that complain about the weather could be considered super dull because "the weather", as we all know, has a stigma attached to it as a conversation topic (and thus blog topic) as being extraordinarily dull. And you only bring it up when you have nthg else to say, like for example to a long lost cousin from England, or India. Or Tekong. Whatever.

Anw, so this entry is about evolution. Because i'm more highly evolved than the ordinary person. Yes. And i'm not boasting.

We all know that i cant stand the cold. Well, yeah not ALL of us know, but at least most people who know me know that i cant stand the cold. I mean, the LT is way too cold for me, and i'm always in sweaters etc. I also never turn on the aircon in my room. Ok very very rarely.

But this recent heat wave has taught me - i'm more prepared for global warming than most people. In fact, i'm about up there with those people who have evolved gills and/or flippers to survive when tide levels start to rise. Hm.

No i think they'd still be more highly evolved than me.

So i'll just have to wait for my flippers to grow. Its coming...

The Beginning of the End

I've taken a deep long breath. Because finally.. and i say FINALLY.. all my projects and continual assessments have come to an end. Financial Accting project finally handed up, and the last of the CS Labs (12%) was on wednesday and the last of the EG Labs (5%) was just now. So they're all over. And i feel like taking a breath to enjoy that right now.

Of course after releasing that breath i would then realise that i still hv final exams to fight for. It might be a relief to know there's only 40% of CS grade left to fight for.. but still...

Once i release that breath i would have to start to worry. But for now. I'm holding my breath...

Why?

I am so freaking tired of work.

And i so freaking have a vacancy in the middle of my chest.

I just want to go to sleep.

I can't move my feet.

I can't move my mind.

I can't move my heart.

Its not fun anymore.

Not at all.

I'm just so freaking tired.

Of all this.

And all that.

Just so tired.

Lethargic.

Demotivated.

That sums it up best.

Demotivated.

Disheartened.

Destroyed.

Reflecting on Stress Theory

Cox and Mackay, in "A psychological model of occupational stress" stated that the human being has an ideal state of stress in which his performance is maximised. Below this state, there would be underperformance due to boredom, and, more obviously, above that level, the person would be too stressed to perform well.

Over the past week or so, i've tested this theory, and found it holds very true. Usually, i am unstressed. At least compared to my counterparts, because i'm lazy and unambitiious. Mainly the latter. I usually suppress (or at least attempt to suppress) the competitive edge for fear of stress. Then i noticed that my performance had dropped. So i gradually started to increase the stress level, turning the knob slowly but steadily.

Now, if i had paid heed to Cox and Mackay, or perhaps had a better understanding of where that idealised stress level within myself lay, i would have been better able to estimate when i should have stopped turning that knob.

Fortunately, turning that knob up just before my mid terms meant that my mid terms (generally) outperformed last year's. Unfortunately nt knowing when to stop increasing the stress meant that eventually (for my last test) i just got too tired to even do the paper.

Looking back at that test, the extent of this phenomenon of lethargy had caused me to not even think during the test. I would really be surprised if i passed that test.

True failure is when you dont learn from your mistakes. Hence lets take failure and turn it into a learning experience. Do not mess with Cox and Mackay. They were right...

- Stress Theory-

benp

The Boxing Match

There comes a time when you should not (not even think of) blog. I've reached that time. And just as human nature would predict, voila. Blog. Not long though.

Just need to say... kids, please dont take a double degree if your lifelong ambition is after all to be a stoner and/or a slacker and/or a shepherds assistant.

They're taking turns to fire in their punches. Started around the recess week. Biz threw the first blow, taking 3 out of my 5 SACRED recess week days. I KNOW that it is against my doctrine to study (excessively?) during recess week; hence it didnt really take away much of my study time. What that DID take away was my precious God-given sleeping time. Urgh.

As if that wasnt enough, along comes engin in full swing, quick on the update to hit me with MidTerms. 5 of them.. Well biz contributed one MidTerm as well.

But then the punches were flying thick and fast. Engin fires in weekly Labs of CS and (PC or EG). The blows are coming thick and fast. And just as i'm on the ropes.. Along comes biz with PROJECT DEADLINES! All coming. Raining down furiously...

And then...

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.
.

Just as consciousness would gradually begin to drift away, i'm sure they will both come with their greatest knock out blow they can muster - Final Exams. All 6 of them.

.
.
.

And then we can all rest. Finally..

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.
.

Just Keep Running

I finally have started on revision, 3 days too late. I'm excused, at least by myself. I was tired. Very tired. Went to sleep before dinner last night, and woke up this morning only. 14 hrs solid. No food. Well just as well cos yesterday was Ash Wednesday - Fasting and Abstinence. (Yes, i know its cheating...)

Actually I did wake up for a little while at 4am, but slept again by 4.01. If only i had remembered that yesterday was Liverpool Champions' League match. Though probably I would then have woke up at 4, told myself that it would be a complete waste of time to watch my loserific Liverpool lose and/or play frustratingly unpenetratingly (i.e. like against Man City), and then gone to sleep again at 4.02.

Turns out they did win. But it wasnt worth the risk.

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Still feeling this blog will be under construction for some time. Maybe minor tweakings here and there. But still all will be well.

I've got a new hobby. No, hobby's not the right word. But definitely i'll be using it to flush a little bit of stress out of my system. Running. Turns out...

• (a) i'm running in the marathon at the end of the year
• (b) i've got a nike training log

Thx gobs. Haha..

I think i need that little (or huge) push once in a while (or always) when it comes to doing something i'm not completely commited to do. But i think Newton's law applies to me. Once i'm in motion, i won't stop that easily.

Well, unless friction gets to me.

All the same, i'm going to let a little element of Forrest Gump's "just keep running" mentality seep into my system.

By the way Forrest Gump is a nice movie. I dont know what it meant to you, but to me, it just shouted these words. "Life's not that difficult. Stop overcomplicating it!"

Which resonates, especially at times like these..

Delta Blog

I really really need to become rich and successful. Reason being i really really need a secretary. How many people would hv only just checked their mid term exam schedule last night? And realise that in fact, mid terms are next week?

I'm pretty unprepared, and yet calm. I dont know why. I've been forced to waste away the past three days with a course. Well, not really a waste, but i'd really hv preferred it if this course wasn't before significant exams.

Urgh..

Anyway just for a change in life - because everything around seems to be changing as much as they stay the same - I'm going to change my blog layout.

Time for change.

For real, this time.

Blurp Blurp Gurgle Gurgle

blurp blurp gurgle gurgle...

ahh..

help i'm drowning in worrrrkkk-blurpp blurpp gurgle gurglee...

*deep breath*

feel like going to sleep under the water.

blurp blurp gurgle gurgle...

/*----------------------------*/
actually work == quite fun;
i'm having a fair bit of fun;
especially with c;

too much fun (neglecting other topics)
bad;
must divide time (wisely)
good;

end;
/*----------------------------*/

haha okay i'd better go to sleep before i type more rubbish...

When Gravity is too Strong

This is general theory, littered with mistakes, but conceptually true.

When a star dies, it has this option. To collapse upon itself, and to become a black hole. The black hole is usually associated with emptiness, destruction and darkness.

I might have taken that path - imploding upon myself. Mainly because the alternative would be to explode. Supernova style. That's not me.

Now i know only emptiness, darkness, and destruction of myself. Perceivably (which ultimately is reality) let down by everything in my surroundings. Darkness - no spring in my step, no smile in my eyes. Empty, unfeeling.

We all have days when we feel it can't get any better. But my life feels like Walls Street.

And Walls Street doesnt seem to be kicking up anytime soon.

S0 we wait it out.

2009

2008 was bad. 2009 will be worse.

Armed with this, i stride forward confidently into 2009.

Because then i analyse 2008 and figure its not as bad as i make it seem. Ups and downs aplenty, people.. ORD was 2007, so 2008 was mainly the year of the varsity. even within the varsity time, there're ups and downs. plenty of them (look at my last post for the downs..).

Ultimately 2008 didnt kill me, and as they say, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. so 2008's made me stronger in a way. and now, ladies and gentlemen...

2009.

Happy New Year. or happy 1st of january.

Damn them

Damn you Amy. Damn you Phyllis. Damn you Emily.

You're not as easy as you were before. Why make me work so hard? Why confuse me? Why not let me score??

Fine. I will practice for you. I will be better. I will score.

I'm lost, you know. Practice papers are supposed to be for revision. Why then am i learning new stuff with each question I do? That's not revision. Thats just.. Learning.

The calm assurance that i'm prepared is ebbing away. Inch by inch. And I havent even started on Emily (MLE). Its not right. Emily was supposed to be the hardest. Probably still is. But Amy and Phyllis are giving me so much problem.

You sleep on the couch today. I don care.

Brownian Motion

Chicken Little says: The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Uni Students say: The exams are coming! The exams are coming!

I actually only notice this sense of excitement from first years... I guess 1st years are the only one's who think that exams are something that can give them happiness after the results come out. Or perhaps first years are the ones who believe that studying actually matters.

Anw i'm one of those scurrying about, even if i probably am more like a particle undergoing brownian motion in a container of fast moving air molecules i.e. i'm being pushed arnd by faster and more energetic molecules. Basically i'm jus moving slowly and randomly. But still moving arnd.

But on a brighter note, i finally managed to catch up with physics. I actually think i understand enough to let me be satisfied. I am going to move on to maths tmr. A more relaxed one cos i didnt really blank out abt it.

I realised that that was the story of my semester. Around 80% through, i jus started spacing out thru lectures. Argh. Paying for that now... But well...

Ok time to sleep early and wake up early tmr and have fun.

Foot/Snow Ball

I'll just say this. Man Utd had made Old Trafford a 2-yr fortress some time ago. Along came Team L, and ended that two year streak, thanks to an only goal by then player Danny Murphy.

Today, deja vu. This time, Chelsea; and it was an even longer streak undefeated at Stamford Bridge. This time it was Xabi Alonso.

How history can repeat itself.

Onto school work, and its snowballing. I should jus try to scrape off some ice from this snowball, or else i'd get crushed. Ah.. here goes..

Newton Ver. II

In the beginning of the semester, i complained that my maths lecturer was boring. And made mr FooSeeBon of VJC look charismatic. Since then, i've slightly changed my opinion.

I could put it in various ways. Isaac Newton was one of the greatest minds of all time. Yet, when he lectured, he often did it to an empty hall (he apparently was a very very bad lecturer.) So probably i'm jus being lectured by one of the greatest minds of our century. We'll see if there's a Tan B.P. Theory coming up one of these days.

I also could put in the way that i once lamented - A master of medieval torture. One could almost imagine the kings of old torturing enemies by tying them to a chair and forcing them to attend the lecture. Or perhaps we could get confessions from captured terror cell leaders. Applications, people..

However, objectively thinking, these feelings probably have a lot to do with the fact that his lecture comes at the very end of the week, after the longest day in the week, Friday. 4pm.

Maybe.

Elsewhere in BP town, we've discovered that marketing is an awesome topic that is also awesomely hard to score in. But fun to do and think creatively. But not fun to get back marks. Urgh. I should jus skip that part of the module.

Two Hoots

Recess is over, and so is mid years. And seemingly not everyone took my advice and stayed away from books over the recess. And pple, u will pay in years to come. Lethargy will soon take over.

And then we come to the state pple after the exam. We thought mr bell curve will help us. we thought he will moderate the marks to make our marks seem nicer. But he's giving us hell. pple can get 18/20 for exam and still be disappointed cos the mean is 17 (i'm not talking abt myself). but i guess thats an intro to uni life - that we're all part of this big group called mediocrity. We could study hard, and get A-. Thats great. But if we'd barely given two hoots, we might hv got B or B+.

So far from what i hear from seniors, sooner or later pple lull into a disconcertment of the whole system, knowing that ultimately how successful u are in the future doesnt depend on how good a degree you get. Case in example - bill gates.

This is jus case in point to show that the smartest people in the world dont need to go to university. If they did, they might not even get full cap score. But their brain definitely works like clockwork etc.

IF mid years were any indication of how final year would go, i'm actually fine. i can rest peacefully. Sometimes i'm glad that i'm not as ambitious as people think i am. I'll probably be glad with jus 4.9 in the end.

Yes, duh i'm joking.

Alvin (my seniior) said that people all come into uni thinking they can score cap 5.0 in the end. Seriously?? Pls pple.. tell me.. did you think you'd get cap 5.0 when u were in year one? or do you stil think you can get that score? i'm curious.

I know i'm nt getting it. probably heading for a C in marketing and management. So not a biz student. Hopefully can acclimatise to biz before the year is up... before the semester is up as welll..

I'm glad i went for army. NS seems to hv sapped ambition from me. Mb the taste of the real world did that. ah whatever..

Live Happy~ Wheeeee!

Recess

Like a primary school day long ago. It has just begun, and then we suddenly come to a recess. And then we all go out and play for the recess. and then we come back sweaty and smelly and ready to learn again.

Now recess is not like that. Why? Cos the sadists say fine, we give you a break, but when you come back you have tests. Tests that contribute to your final grade. Actually i dont blame them. Truth be told, technically, the gauge of the results always come back in a bell curve. so if everybody decides to take recess literally, the net effect would be zero. Unfortunately, as sure as communism fails, this is not going to happen, and whoever decides to actually take a recess, pays for it.

I'll see about that. I dont care. Minimal studying.

I started out planning a whole timetable for studying and stuff. Then i jus said screw it. The lack of ambition in me spoke loudest again. So here goes with recess.

Ironically i think i'm gg to study most for the two modules that arent being tested cos these are the modules i'm most blur about. Management and Marketing.

I think i'm more stressed abt my students' tests which are after this recess week. esp the JC one. hopefully can promote. =s..

Bottom's up.

Today I hit rock bottom. I heard that God will make himself seen to us when we hit rock bottom. And so when I hit rock bottom, I jus knelt down and prayed. Not normal prayer, which I realise i've been missing. Prayers of desperation. And he answered.

Slowly one by one, the obstacles melted. Even while it was happening, I doubted. I felt the bridge shake in my head. I felt implosions almost buckling me to my knees. And then I let go, and let God.

And he gave me a bonus at the very end - I met Colin from SFX. Who's working at the place of my dream job. Institute of Materials Research! I'm thinking of doing an internship there some day. We'll see.

Phyllis Returns!

My first agenda on today's List is Blogging. yup...

So, one more week has passed and uni life is beginning to adjust itself upon me. Rather. i'm adjusting my life to it. Still for now doing stuff tt i like and am enjoying it whole-heartedly. Tutorials are starting next week and labs are starting soon. So my life's jus going to get more and more busy, esp with tuition and all. and apparetnly i think i'm taking 5 core modules. So perhap;s that makes life a bit harder.

The consolation is that i enjoy my work. For e.g. I nearly flipped with excitement (shan't repeat the use of the word 'orgasm') when i finally received my physics tutorial! It is sooo totally exciting! And challenging, albeit a simple reference to my F-maths notes would enable me to solve all possilbe physics questions for this semester, i feel.

(I used to call the subject physics by her name phyllis and i fell in love with her)

On the duller note, i'm beginning to wonder if i can actually sustain this level of enthusiasm for the next 5 years. We'll see once tutorials start.

Second on my list is Homework. My musings can wait. Perhaps go find the musings of certain cotton-based critters.

Free Day

First I have to thank a few groups of pple for this wonderful occasion. Without them this Free Day couldnt hv taken place.
1. My dearest Vibs, who arranged my timetable for me helped me arrange my timetable
2. Engin Fac, for giving me my preallocated modules such that there was a possibiltiy of a free day.
3. A Biz Fac screw up tt allowed me to bid for my own modules OTOT.
4. God who oversaw all of this.

Yanyway, a free day may seem to be commonplace (most pple seem to hv it), though i think less common for DDP pple, so i'm thankful. In any case it wasnt much use as yet, seeing as heavy duty work hasnt started as yet, and now is apparently (honeymoon) period.

As for now i'm addicted to work. There's smthg wrong with me. I woke up today morning thinking its Friday n i hv to go to school. Urgh. Probably this enthusiasm will die out soon. Or perhaps it won't. It might be fuelled by the fact that i'm back in my element - my element is so not running arnd like a monkey arnd monkey bars, keeping fit, being commanding tt is so prized by the military. Nor is it the bed, as prized by Pawai.

Its probably the quest for knowledge - the continuous and never-ending quest for omniscience. Or at least towards a minor negligible fraction of it.

Well known fact - the higher we study, the more questions we have. This trend continues, and we realise that we just don't know anything abt this world.

Perhaps stop with the realisation that apples fall towards the ground. And leave it there.

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Anyway on a side note, since Elmo has tagged this blog, I'd like to let him know that i caught him doing it.Him and harry the horse.

I'm watching you two...