Utopia

I know i was tortured for 1.5hrs, standing (perfectly) still under the sweltering heat. well not really sweltering, but bad enough standing 1.5hrs in SBO and with a blinking scarf around the neck...

but the good news - its over! no more NDP.

Then i got some horrid (potentially) news.. tengah air base contingent is oso in NDP.. praying hard now..

And one more parade - supposedly a Change-Of-Command parade - but i'm jus going to take it as a thank-you parade to us, 20/05 platoon, who were ironically referred to as permstaff of SI by the emcee of the parade.. ironic considering the fact that immediately after the parade we'll be leaving that god-forsaken place. and all single-fingered salutes will be welcome.

so i came to this conclusion - we're parade veterans. i think the frequency of us (20/05) in parades is really one of the highest of all NSFs..

no, parade specialists. normal specialists hv their rank insignia on their sleeve; but ours is up our sleeves on our sunburnt skin. the national flag of red-and-white imprinted/tatooed on their forearms..

and i've fallen into a saddened state. again; typical of me on saturdays/fridays. for some reason. sundays, after church i'm pretty much rejuvenated and rearing to go, but its these saturdays and fridays. and i believe i talk too much. SAF shld consider reducing my security clearance. its not a matter of trust; its jus diplomacy. its my fundemental flaw, to be diplomatic and promote world peace, at least in the tiny little world around me.

i used to be relatively good at it. u hear what u need to hear. u don't hear what u shldn't hear. if u hear too much of what i hear, and u'll probably wage wars against others.

its this that's wrong in 20/05 even. there's so much bad-mouthing and talking-behind-backs that i can't stand it. maybe its the influence of fana and khairul against this; perhaps their fervour in putting it down, that i can't stand it. i'd jus be frank. frankness won't win u friends. maybe tactful frankness wld, but i'm still learning.

yes, i've changed. do i like it? not really, but i could learn to. quite fed up of this good-boy-nice-to-everyone image. only problem is whether i'll overcook it and become this evil-boy-nice-to-nobody. doubt so, but its a possibility.

but really, i wonder if there is such a world where everybody can live together without squabbling over differences. and then i answer myself - its so freaking impossible unless everybody has been zerorized (in signal terms, this refers to being reset to a blank slate). so theologically if heaven was this utopia of peace, we'd all have to be zerorized?

and yes i've had these images of the perfect world. and i'm not lying, or exaggerating when i say i saw no human beings, with their materialism and greed and suffering. again, i think i'm really beginning to sound like ms trunchbull and her "perfect school is one where there is no children", from matilda by roald dahl... oh well.. can't wait for church tmr.

out.