Out of Breath

I'm standing at the finishing line, and i'm suddenly out of breath. Just one more day. but i cant study no more. aint nothing entering my head, and thankfully, (or rather hopefully) nothing leaving it either.

I've already taken four out of five papers, two were a breeze, if i say so myself, n the other two were designed to massacre. GP was surprisingly easy, and i thought perhaps a B is possible - until i heard rumours going around that kancy is marking my papers. And i thought i heard the apocalypse coming.. man... he gives as much marks upon 50 as most wld upon 40. hai.. goodbye B. but maths c was easy. and the objectivity of it makes it such that i dont think teachers out there wld be out to murder me.. oh well...

Anw, that was, apparently the GOOD news. F-maths, (duh), was hell. designed for a massacre of innocents, it got me thinking so hard that not only my head hurt, but my neck and shoulders too. too much hunching - 3hrs straight of battling evil mechanics (SHM) and statistics (exponential dist) and pure maths questions. Our good hero (me) was left with nothing left of his usually vast energy supply by the end of it. no capacity to study.

And then came physics. normally, its quite easy. at least not so difficult till i crane my neck continuously over my work with occasional nervous glances at the LT clock. Fear.

I just hope this fear is unjustified. Really. but i think i'm not easily satisfied. sadly.

But one good thing abt physics - smthg abt wavelength of light came out. then they asked wat is slightly below 400nm. *gives a smug look*. and who says it pays not to have a blog? hur hur hur...

~.~

i spent the whole today studying (n watching a little TV) wid gobi at home. productive? tmr we'll see. did much, but whether that much sticks in my head is a different matter. i vow, that after the mid years, i'm gg to cheong my subs again. n not do last minute revision. for tt doesnt help much - it doesnt sink it. anw, i hope my mind is awake and cheerie when i take tmr's paper. and i shld get back to what i shld be doing now - sleeping.

wow, n tmr's thursday~ amazing how time flies when ur chasing it.

cheers~ n peace.

Eulogy

In memory of June Holidays 2005.

IT was a good holiday. with many fun stuff done. it started out with a whole week of preparation for ICS Nite '05, culminating in a great sense of achievement for all those involved. ICS Nite Verdict - Success, i say. then came the chalet, and i delayed work once again.

Then came smthg completely unexpected. Illness. and so i delayed work again. three weeks gone without studying. so, as for being a studying holiday, no can do. but well.. it was a good holiday. let's raise our glasses, n a minute of silence, in memory of June 2005.

*funeral march*

n now look forward to what she's given birth to - mid year exams. eurgh...
and good luck pple. to each n every student ill-fated to be faced with that prospect, good luck.

cheerios~

Four A's

I'd like to dedicate this post to the memory of getting 4A's for promos, now resigning myself to the fact that a repeat is plainly impossible. so i'm waiting to pick up a couple of D's, C's and maybe if possible an A. and we havent even mentioned failing GP. i.e. below 45%.

What enticing prospects...

Worst part is i jus aint got no mood to pick up a book and start studying. the couch (new one) feels soo sleepable, and so does my bed, and so does practically everywhere. and watching TV is always much more interesting than reading my stupid file. browsing through stuff i've already known for more than a year. i think i'll go to sleep early and wake up bright (dark) and early tmr...

~.~

My room is clean.

All tidied up.

Thank

Heaven.

but enough of maths la.. i think chem is in more dire need. chem, and physics - electricity. Tmr i'll do the physics. today is chem day, after all. not tt i did any. so... here's to achieving the unachievable. here's to passing my mid years.

cheers~ n peace.

Well well well...

Boo!

Yes, its me. i know, i shld be studying, as are most other of my peers. but i'm fed up, n i hv generally resigned to the fact that i aint gonna score full marks, so why bother studying, when u going to be making mistakes anw right? anw, its been AGES since i've come close to full marks.. perhaps last time was in primary school, and man, that seems like ages ago. but well, i'd better hope i get A's, or should i? maybe i can screw up this exam, cos i reli xian to study more.... then prelim i will score well! yayness!

pah...

lemme crap on anw, remorselessly casually throwing my revision time away. anyway i did do a fair bit of work, 2 f-maths papers, brain-drain enough. (i know tts not the appropriate term for it, but yeah, u get the idea)

they say u can nvr work your brain TOO hard.

i beg to differ.

cheong too much, means sleep too little, sleep too little means not enough rest (as well as not enough exercise), means susceptible to illness, i.e. you CAN work your brain too much.

~.~

now let me ponder aloud smthg. is it right to say: "since its june, on average, half the pple my age are 18 yrs old"?

I'd hv thought so, but apparently its wrong. half the people my COHORT perhaps, are 18. not my age. english, schmenglish...

though i doubt there's a flaw in the statistical estimate.

~.~

I nvr knew stats could be soo hard until i tried my f-maths paper. yucks... you maths C pple reli dont know wat ur missing, so don get jealous of us if u think we onli study 3 subjects. pah..

maths C stats is hard too, after all... sheesh.. all english perhaps... useless language. no, i take it back. there are other languages more - i wont use the word - tt makes english a great language. But GP still sucks... yucks... eurgh.. n to think my beloved GP falls on the first day of school. well, might as well punctuate a horrid day - the first day of school - with a horrid event - GP exam. at least there's maths C to look forward too. at 2pm, while i wld be drowsy and tipsy and giddy and dizzy and basically tired n sleepy. yawnnn~

They reli know how to exhaust your mental stamina man. i'm drained now... i wonder how im gonna survive for the test. or for a levels. or for prelims. or for life. man...

they say man plays for the first 20 yrs of his life, n works like a cow for the rest of it.. man... i think my 20yrs are coming to an abrupt end, unless i migrate to greener pastures. literally. i think shepherding is non-intellectually-challenging.

maybe it is... if it is, i'm sure shepherd's assistant is non-intellectually-challenging anyhow.. unless there's a job for professional sleeper or smthg like that. pay me to sleep. droolz...

Cheerios~

Dawn of Reckoning

Suddenly.
Three weeks have passed, left one to go.
One week to complete three more subjects.
Please.

yes. Stop.

i ought to stop panicking, before i start frolicking at the mouth, or gooey stuff starts getting excreted, and other disgusting stuff starts to happen. or i might very well hyperventilate. after all, they TELL me i'm a highly TENSE person. not cool. but i think i kool. i like panicked situations, cos while everybody else is running about, searching for mars or smthg, i can retain my level-headedness. its fun, anyway.

anw, the cause of panic, abovestated, is no fun. while in other countries, students return from these 'summer holidays' rednecked and sunburnt, in steamy singapore, while we are baked every other day, holidays are the time when we are most often cooped up indoors, preferably under airconditioning. doing what? Studying, of course..

unless u are like me. who was down sick for one week. why do my holidays always have to be a sacrifice to illness. jeopardizing my mid-year marks, i tell u.

anw, progress report: i've finished stats. mechanics, will be completed soon. once i'm offline. then the papers will be completed tmr. add oil...

cheers~

Stats Wars

Its nearly over. i'm at the last chapter of stats. but the problem is, i still hv pure maths n mechanics left. puremaths, not reli much to study la, mostly yr1 work. but mechanics... har har.. different story.i think i going to slp very late tonight. or maybe not.

Anw, tmr, 15 june, in school, anybody wanna play badminton? jus sms me. or whatever.

its so difficult to organise this sorta stuff, i mean, everyone has their own commitments, n will gleefully accept the proposition - but wait, they wld then hv smthg on tt day, n then wldnt be able to make it. bleah... onli marcus has interest unbound. haha.. expected though. so i now call those with interest bound. if there is no clashing of interests,... but then, i donno if u guys tt interested in badminton? haha.. doesnt matter..

i think the park-soccer-guys have now transfigured themselves to become the park-skaters. so much so tt the way it transpired last evening, i spent the evening playing soccer wid pple half my size. take not, this is NOT the way i prefer. no insult to anurak or timothy, they'll grow up to be quite good players - they can do stuff with the ball i could onli hv dreamed of at their age. well maybe not. hehex i could 'rainbow backflip' at pri4. muahahahaha...

soccer's fun and all. sum kinda game where u put ur body on the line, n well, its comparable to stuff like extreme sports in some ways. well except for the frequency of injuries. badminton? u injure urself due to vigorous activity more than anything, u dont have to wait for pple to come n slide u or take ur knee to places its nvr been (i.e. bending ur legs into shapes its not supposed to be). a racquet to the head can cause concussion, but so can a boot to the face.

n ultimately the point of the whole entry goes back to work. i mean, tts wat most jc2 pple's life revolves round - work. sadly, i reckon, we are facing the cultural erosion of a rich tradition - the slacker tradition. hai... *shakes head sadly* oh well...

i wonder how good my bahasa meh-lah-you is now.. biarkan saya tulis hanya satu perenggan (i still cant pronounce tt word) dalam bahasa melayu. entah mengapa saya tiba-tiba terpesona dengan bahasa melayu. haha.. mungkin saya rinduimu, melayu. yucks... puuui!! puui!!..

ah whatever, one day i vow to make a completely melayu entry! its soo difficult right now. all the words seems lost up in some corner in my brain. typical of malay, sitting in a korner... HAHAHA.. jus kidding.

okay peace~

Liberation

Feels so good. i'm liberated. of all the things of this material world. matter, some stuff do not. so now i'm listening to music n chatting, relaxing, when ironically, i should be hard at work with my stats file n stats book in front of me. Stats Wars.

but well, i'll start it later i guess, now im resting. i did manage to clean up my room,

the pause was for congratulations, yeah, here!

okay thanks~, i'm proud of myself too.

and today i'm happy. and not because i can finally start my work. its bcos i hv learnt (or rather relearnt) to place my trust not in material things. i mean, sumday, God will sort out everything. i jus hv to help him, perhaps, my doing work now, or later, rather.

but i'm glad. i've been freed from this figurative bondage.

okay, today i played badminton for the first time in about 3 weeks. its probably the longest i've gone starved of badminton since the forced absence tt exams instigate, such as the o'levels. but well, apart from playing like a complete nook at first, i mean, seriously, we got thrashed by a couple of old men. but i'll attribute tt to lack of speed and a couple of mistakes on my part, n reckless smashing on terry's. but tts the way we were taught.

which brings me to an article in today's today. abt how sporting prodigies die out rapidly. perhaps tts wats happening? i wont die out. i'll relearn my stuff, if tts wat it takes. but rmb, onli recreational. i've hung up my competitive racquet. in more ways than u might imagine. haha.. okay, enough.

Peace~

I'm so fed up with myself. irritating. fickle-minded. foolhardy. but mainly fickle-minded. but sumhow im so sure of this. (wait, that line is soo familiar) yeah. a dangerous game, i'm playing. but sumhow, they say go with ur feelings (heart), n yeah. i noe wat tts telling me to do. but me? i'm prone to trusting my head above my heart.

next problem. sumbody might be getting hurt bcos of me. or mayb not. whatever it is, factually, its better to hurt early than late, if eventually hurt will come.

so good, no more problems.

see la

jus came back from chalet. quite tired, but nowadays not very used to sleeping early. so tts y im still up here so late. plus im waiting for my camera battery to charge. though i doubt tt wld be ready too soon.

one interesting discussion. weird names. some guy named john named his son Johns Son. pronounced that way. (not johnson) nowadays, ignorance goes unchecked, n civilisation is modified.

ignorance is the prime mover of civilisation, perhaps? very possibly. yar today i'll jus make this a very short entry lah. n the battery is still charging. so i'll jus end here, n probably update when things are sorted out. n mind u, i will sort things out. tts the way i, ben.p, work.

cheers/``/

ICS Nite

Today (or rather, yesterday) was ICS nite. so its all finally over, n i can finally go study now. i didnt screw up in the dances, well not too bad at least, thank God. (i did make one mistake, but tts bcos i lost my footing, and was completely blind to wat was going on arnd me.)

I think as expected Faisal and his Black Five were reli the main highlights. little irony. chitra n her company of pretty girls would hv a say in that too, cos im sure there was a great section in the crowd fascinated with them. i used 'fascinated' bcos its the cleanest, most innocent, word i can use for this situation. i mean, if i use other words, sumbody gonna get a-hurt really bad... i.e. this blog entry might well then be the last one of mine.

anw, onto the more normal dances. i.e. mine. it went smoothly enough. very well in fact. Tum se milke was damn fun la.. esp with the crowd yelling n cat-calling salman's name. some pple are popular. others are normal. still others are like me, unknown my more than 85% of the sch.

But im not complaining actually. i dont care two hoots how many pple noe me, cos duh, i don wanna noe every1. i jus need to noe the nicer pple, n i think i already do, to a large extent. anw, andss pple sumhow noe me, even now. maybe bcos i used to actively go back to my alma mater, being a good n loyal alumnus. haha...

random point: do you noe that alumnus onli refers to males? alumna is for females. alumni is plural, unless it refers to onli female graduates, in which case its alumnae. interesting? ok whatever.

anw back to ics nite. shyam was great. the two dramas were great. tho perhaps a critiscism wld be tt the first is way too idealistic n unreal, n the second, bit copycat. but putting that aside, the actors played their parts well, n the show, from where i watched it, was great.

overall great job la. indians can do it too.. im onli not writing soo much cos im soo tired. n well, i'd reli like to thank those who came to watch me la, even be it for a very short while esp marie, chunmin, shariza, jingzhi, ruebini, n everyone else whom might not hv known i was dancing but anw came... n also to those whom circumstances prevented but im sure they wld hv loved to come, i.e. terence n keegan... hahah...

okay so begins the onslaught on the enemy "MYES". the battle would not be easy, n serious preparation is vital. so probably i might not be coming online as often as i had been these past few days. MYES. i.e. mid year exams.

personally i think the MYES are coming at a very good time. Life's gettin abit mundane u noe.. probably these few days, socialising with a few pple, getting to noe them better, it was quite fun. but now, back to erm... boredom? loneliness? solitude? see la. soon things will improve, jus all we need is belief...

yeah okay, its super late, abt 2 am. so g'nite world.

cheerios/``/