benp
institution of torture: NUS (Undefined Faculty)
years of existence: 23
occupation: part time student and full time stoner
ideal ambition: STILL shepherd's assistant
realistic ambition: mad scientist (who saves the world)
Friday, June 25
Tuesday, June 15
Subzero Feedback
I think I'm in a strange place. Once again. But I think everybody goes through a similar strange place. The place of not knowing who he/she is.
I know that some people are reasonably assured - confident, in fact - of where they want to be in 5 years. I mean, I don't mean that they KNOW where they'll be in 5 years. Just that they KNOW, NOW, where they want to be in 5 years time. Perhaps they'd like to be married. Or be doing post graduate studies. Or climbing the corporate ladder. The point is, they know where they want to be. And they know what they want.
I don't.
I think that I do want to be a lecturer. Coincidentally, I was reading through past entries of @UVLight; and I realised that I did, somewhere, state that I wanted to be a Maths Lecturer. Something about teaching Maths to people who are really interested in it. That ship has sailed; so shall I settle for Materials Scientist?
And then we have to consider that as far as career path is concerned, I'm actually more certain in it than in my relationship path. Perhaps because to me, career path is something that you can retire from, but a relationship is something that you have to work with and on for the rest of your life. AND it is much easier to change career paths than relationship path. AND so on.
So as far as I can see, working on relationships and friendships are more important. And its also the thing that I seem to suck at.
Feedback on academic progress, and thus fidelity to the above career path, comes twice a year. Once in early June, once in late December. This time, I opted to allow myself to be woken up with my result slip via sms. So, at the cost of one marginally sleepless night; I wasn't compelled to force my cardio muscles to go into overdrive in anxiety. Especially since that overdrive would have been in vain, so to speak. So I was woken up to the fact that I'm very much on track academically. At the very least, I have options open; even if my Business CAP is obeying the law of Gravity and free-falling. And here I ought to point out that being a Business Professor was never part of the plan.
Feedback on my relationships and friendships comes once in a while too. Unfortunately, from what I gather, the general summary is that I'm a useless son and and selfish friend. Three years ago I would have tried to better myself and be more useful and selfless. I did, in fact. Three years on, it seems that, like the Madoff or Profitable Plot scams, the returns were fictitious at best. So, three years on, I am hearing the same feedback. And worse, this time I'm believing it. I've been convinced well and truly that its my nature. And I just lack the energy to do anything about it. Except perhaps run away.
So my 'Educational Tour' to Europe couldn't possibly come at a more opportune time. Forget the weak Euro. Forget the fact that its a month and a half with close friends. Forget the fact that its going to be awesome. Or yava. It needs to be educational at the same time. I desperately need it to teach me who I am. And to teach me how to be who I want to be.
Not this irresponsible, self-involved, antisocial quitter.
Perhaps.
I know that some people are reasonably assured - confident, in fact - of where they want to be in 5 years. I mean, I don't mean that they KNOW where they'll be in 5 years. Just that they KNOW, NOW, where they want to be in 5 years time. Perhaps they'd like to be married. Or be doing post graduate studies. Or climbing the corporate ladder. The point is, they know where they want to be. And they know what they want.
I don't.
I think that I do want to be a lecturer. Coincidentally, I was reading through past entries of @UVLight; and I realised that I did, somewhere, state that I wanted to be a Maths Lecturer. Something about teaching Maths to people who are really interested in it. That ship has sailed; so shall I settle for Materials Scientist?
And then we have to consider that as far as career path is concerned, I'm actually more certain in it than in my relationship path. Perhaps because to me, career path is something that you can retire from, but a relationship is something that you have to work with and on for the rest of your life. AND it is much easier to change career paths than relationship path. AND so on.
So as far as I can see, working on relationships and friendships are more important. And its also the thing that I seem to suck at.
*~*
Feedback on academic progress, and thus fidelity to the above career path, comes twice a year. Once in early June, once in late December. This time, I opted to allow myself to be woken up with my result slip via sms. So, at the cost of one marginally sleepless night; I wasn't compelled to force my cardio muscles to go into overdrive in anxiety. Especially since that overdrive would have been in vain, so to speak. So I was woken up to the fact that I'm very much on track academically. At the very least, I have options open; even if my Business CAP is obeying the law of Gravity and free-falling. And here I ought to point out that being a Business Professor was never part of the plan.
Feedback on my relationships and friendships comes once in a while too. Unfortunately, from what I gather, the general summary is that I'm a useless son and and selfish friend. Three years ago I would have tried to better myself and be more useful and selfless. I did, in fact. Three years on, it seems that, like the Madoff or Profitable Plot scams, the returns were fictitious at best. So, three years on, I am hearing the same feedback. And worse, this time I'm believing it. I've been convinced well and truly that its my nature. And I just lack the energy to do anything about it. Except perhaps run away.
So my 'Educational Tour' to Europe couldn't possibly come at a more opportune time. Forget the weak Euro. Forget the fact that its a month and a half with close friends. Forget the fact that its going to be awesome. Or yava. It needs to be educational at the same time. I desperately need it to teach me who I am. And to teach me how to be who I want to be.
Not this irresponsible, self-involved, antisocial quitter.
*~*
Perhaps.
Thursday, June 10
Stars
My head has been over my heels for too long. And, unsurprisingly, I have not been completely aware of it till now. Love is such a complicated emotion. I suppose even the quantum nature of everything is marginally simpler to comprehend.
The complexity of it is demonstrated in two very different cases - both involving people who coincidentally share the same name. But where one is Charn, the other is Narnia. One dying, one birthing.
Sometimes when you see one relationship collapsing on itself - failing on epic proportions even, it almost feels like seeing a star collapsing on itself. Not a pretty sight.
Correction: I reckon it IS a rather pretty sight to see a supernova. What I mean, obviously, would be that its not that good an idea to be anywhere near that collapsing star. Nor, of course, is it wise to BE that star.
So back to the star. It collapsed on itself. Much like how relationships collapse even though each person is essentially the same person as when the relationship started. Acknowledged that people do change; but seriously, how much? It leaves me to wonder if its true that sometimes the very things that attracted two people together ultimately push them apart. Really don't know.
Which is why its so dangerous to go in blindly to birth the star.
Maybe thats why human beings were not meant to be in control of their own lives. So many decisions; so many criteria; so many possible stumbling blocks to their "self-proclaimed destiny".
So i think for me, its back to the river. Taking the current and just looking for signs pointing me into the right distributary. Or perhaps randomly choosing either fork in the path. Maybe the stars will guide me (or force me down a path). But then, they've brought me nothing good so far.
Anyway the river will always end up in the sea. No matter what.
The complexity of it is demonstrated in two very different cases - both involving people who coincidentally share the same name. But where one is Charn, the other is Narnia. One dying, one birthing.
Sometimes when you see one relationship collapsing on itself - failing on epic proportions even, it almost feels like seeing a star collapsing on itself. Not a pretty sight.
Correction: I reckon it IS a rather pretty sight to see a supernova. What I mean, obviously, would be that its not that good an idea to be anywhere near that collapsing star. Nor, of course, is it wise to BE that star.
So back to the star. It collapsed on itself. Much like how relationships collapse even though each person is essentially the same person as when the relationship started. Acknowledged that people do change; but seriously, how much? It leaves me to wonder if its true that sometimes the very things that attracted two people together ultimately push them apart. Really don't know.
Which is why its so dangerous to go in blindly to birth the star.
Maybe thats why human beings were not meant to be in control of their own lives. So many decisions; so many criteria; so many possible stumbling blocks to their "self-proclaimed destiny".
So i think for me, its back to the river. Taking the current and just looking for signs pointing me into the right distributary. Or perhaps randomly choosing either fork in the path. Maybe the stars will guide me (or force me down a path). But then, they've brought me nothing good so far.
Anyway the river will always end up in the sea. No matter what.
Wednesday, May 19
The Flower
Strange. It seems that you wear a different set of glasses - that you see the world so differently from everyone else - free of complications, it seems. Thats how YOU see it.
Me? I know WHAT i feel - I just don't know HOW I feel.
Its like a beautiful flower growing by the roadside. You know that it warms your heart when you see it; you know that it brightens your day. You even envy its beauty because it irradiates the calmness of ages. And then you want it - you want it to be by your side forever.
And yet as you contemplate plucking that flower, you know that that would destroy it. Well, perhaps not entirely destroy it. But the flower wouldn't be happy in its new home, would it?
So arises the dilemma.
The fact is: there is a status quo. In that status quo, the flower is perfect, happy. In that same status quo, there is me - wanting the flower.
The question is: why go destroy the status quo when its so perfect?
I want those glasses that filter the complications. And then perhaps I can stop over-dramatising my life. I did say it before - (hollywood) love is such a complication. Bordering on unnecessary, perhaps. Well, "bordering" because it does serve an important purpose - to allow the next generation of human beings to enter this world, and thus destroy it just a little bit more. Oh side track - i think we've finally solved that problem with contraception.
so back to the issue, that now, i'm in need of the perfectly happy flower - something that can only be had if i don't need it.
catch22.
damn.
Me? I know WHAT i feel - I just don't know HOW I feel.
Its like a beautiful flower growing by the roadside. You know that it warms your heart when you see it; you know that it brightens your day. You even envy its beauty because it irradiates the calmness of ages. And then you want it - you want it to be by your side forever.
And yet as you contemplate plucking that flower, you know that that would destroy it. Well, perhaps not entirely destroy it. But the flower wouldn't be happy in its new home, would it?
So arises the dilemma.
The fact is: there is a status quo. In that status quo, the flower is perfect, happy. In that same status quo, there is me - wanting the flower.
The question is: why go destroy the status quo when its so perfect?
I want those glasses that filter the complications. And then perhaps I can stop over-dramatising my life. I did say it before - (hollywood) love is such a complication. Bordering on unnecessary, perhaps. Well, "bordering" because it does serve an important purpose - to allow the next generation of human beings to enter this world, and thus destroy it just a little bit more. Oh side track - i think we've finally solved that problem with contraception.
so back to the issue, that now, i'm in need of the perfectly happy flower - something that can only be had if i don't need it.
catch22.
damn.
Wednesday, April 14
Chain Rule
i'm lost.
i'm drowning and i have no idea which way is up.
and i actually wish its all because of schoolwork.
but its not.
i wish its because of external circumstances.
but its not.
i wish its because of someone else.
but its not.
its harder to swim when you are the chains that pull you down.
fortunately, in this metaphor i have gills; so i have time and am not really drowning. but i AM searching for the light. i know which direction it is in; but i dont know if i'm going anywhere near that direction.
i only know that since i'm the one sinking i'd rather not drag anyone down to the murky depths. that would be the least i can give to the world.
i'm drowning and i have no idea which way is up.
and i actually wish its all because of schoolwork.
but its not.
i wish its because of external circumstances.
but its not.
i wish its because of someone else.
but its not.
its harder to swim when you are the chains that pull you down.
fortunately, in this metaphor i have gills; so i have time and am not really drowning. but i AM searching for the light. i know which direction it is in; but i dont know if i'm going anywhere near that direction.
i only know that since i'm the one sinking i'd rather not drag anyone down to the murky depths. that would be the least i can give to the world.
Sunday, March 21
Balance
I don't even know if the concept of balance is real. Everytime i feel slightly balanced, i just get tipped off the other end; and then i'm imbalanced again. Seems like life is one giant tightrope. or see-saw.
I really thought i found a balance. Something to keep me sane. But then, what happens when that very thing that keeps you sane while the world is spinning out of control - your gyroscope, if you may - starts to warp your sanity.
Why is it that i just seem to be reverting back to who i was in secondary school? Plus a few faults, though.
Secondary school me is a fine regression, actually. Brings me back to a part of my life where i can actually say i was happy. So many parallels - my 4/1 class and my MSE class. highly symmetric, if i think about it.
And as before, there's someone who makes it worth the while.
That was the balance.
And now, that balance has been tipped. Must now untip it.
I really thought i found a balance. Something to keep me sane. But then, what happens when that very thing that keeps you sane while the world is spinning out of control - your gyroscope, if you may - starts to warp your sanity.
Why is it that i just seem to be reverting back to who i was in secondary school? Plus a few faults, though.
Secondary school me is a fine regression, actually. Brings me back to a part of my life where i can actually say i was happy. So many parallels - my 4/1 class and my MSE class. highly symmetric, if i think about it.
And as before, there's someone who makes it worth the while.
That was the balance.
And now, that balance has been tipped. Must now untip it.
Friday, March 19
Moving on...
With regards to the previous post, and considering the bout of epic carelessness, i'm happy to say that it didnt cost me the whole 7% - only about 5%. And that being considered, i'm still above the mean. Which just goes to suggest that i probably did exceedingly well for the other questions. And hence, i'm very glad.
Overall, i'm very satisfied with all my results, even if i'm still barely in the 2nd quartile of the DSC2003 cohort - the module in which the epic bout of carelessness struck. The rest of the modules have been kinder, and hopefully i will see myself picking up a few A's this sem. Even considering the fact that i actually bet against myself doing so. Either way i'm happy in some way, right...
Again, moving on...
I got to get rid of this habit of procastination. I always keep saying that i can always do it tomorrow. But soon, tomorrow will be the deadline for that, and then today will be a mad rush of N assignments. grr..
And i got to get my life more balanced out. People keep calling me "imba". Imbalanced. Not good. Though perhaps if i actually question the context, i would see that its a compliment.
Ok it is a compliment.
But physically, very weak. Losing muscle mass too fast.
Ok. enough procastination. to work now.
Overall, i'm very satisfied with all my results, even if i'm still barely in the 2nd quartile of the DSC2003 cohort - the module in which the epic bout of carelessness struck. The rest of the modules have been kinder, and hopefully i will see myself picking up a few A's this sem. Even considering the fact that i actually bet against myself doing so. Either way i'm happy in some way, right...
Again, moving on...
I got to get rid of this habit of procastination. I always keep saying that i can always do it tomorrow. But soon, tomorrow will be the deadline for that, and then today will be a mad rush of N assignments. grr..
And i got to get my life more balanced out. People keep calling me "imba". Imbalanced. Not good. Though perhaps if i actually question the context, i would see that its a compliment.
Ok it is a compliment.
But physically, very weak. Losing muscle mass too fast.
Ok. enough procastination. to work now.
Friday, March 5
Fateful Temptation
I really didnt know that Fate reads my blog. And i definitely didnt mean to tempt Fate when i suggested that I'd probably get a decent grade barring a bout of unforeseen carelessness.
But apparently Fate took it as a temptation, and i really didnt mean it that way. Nevertheless, i shall refrain from tempting Fate subsequently to minimize the possibility that i will screw up a midterm (almost failing, probably) purely out of carelessness.
It is the second time i've completely mis-read a question during a mid term. And this time it's cost me a good 7% off my final grade (as opposed to 2% the last time). So i reckon its just praying for leniency from the markers for someone who does know his stuff but does not know how to read Minimise from Maximise.
And to stave off complacency for all subsequent examinations.
But apparently Fate took it as a temptation, and i really didnt mean it that way. Nevertheless, i shall refrain from tempting Fate subsequently to minimize the possibility that i will screw up a midterm (almost failing, probably) purely out of carelessness.
It is the second time i've completely mis-read a question during a mid term. And this time it's cost me a good 7% off my final grade (as opposed to 2% the last time). So i reckon its just praying for leniency from the markers for someone who does know his stuff but does not know how to read Minimise from Maximise.
And to stave off complacency for all subsequent examinations.
Wednesday, March 3
Why-te Hairs
This is not the time to blog. Its the time to sleep. But being in hall seems to warp time and space - reminiscent of how the Men In Black survive.
But sadly i'm still ever so dependent on sleep so i am compelled to make this post short; neglecting the inherently verbose aspect of myself. Which, mind you, is genetically passed on to me from my dad.
I'm blogging because i'm halfway through my 6 papers. For those who can't do the math (you know who i'm talking to) that means i'm done with 3. And 3 to go.
So far the tests have been relatively kind to me - while not easy such that the effects of carelessness are amplified - not too hard in the sense that the questions can be done. Of course, i do not expect full marks like some people (again, you know who i'm talking to; albeit a different group from the above mentioned group), but i could expect - bar a serious bout of unforeseen carelessness - a decent mark.
On a completely separate note (though i would allow quantum tunneling across the barrier i drew above), apparently i have a reputation (for grades??) in MSE. Once more, not perpetuated by me. Good and bad. Good in the sense that it IS, after all, a morale booster. Bad in the sense that it IS, undeniably, adds a substantial self-induced pressure.
On that note, i was wondering where all this self-induced pressure came from - and i've come up with a hypothesis.
Its the gradual procession - the one in which i was unexpectedly told that great things were expected of me - getting addicted to academic excellence right from a tender age. Many people are addicted to this, i know. But eventually realism (or age) catches up and they find other attractions in life. But i'm not. IF anything, MY new attraction is understanding the universe.
I'm on the quest to answer every 'why' - even though out of every 'why', there springs N more 'why's (much like white hairs). Which obviously leads us to a Heisenberg or Godel-like conclusion that (interpreted in my own way) science knows crap.
Oh by the way - sidetracking - Apparently even the heisenberg's uncertainty principle is uncertain. I've seen two different formulae for the same thing.
But godel. Godel just begs the question why do we do this crap.
Which gets back to addiction to knowledge. True knowledge probably is divine - concluded. God's probably the only one who knows the exact velocity and displacement of any particle at any time. Maybe because (theologically speaking) time is a non-existent dimension to Him. But hey, once more, true knowledge - not ours.
What we might have, though, is "pseudo-knowledge". Its what enabled us to develop technology so far. This tiny subset of knowledge that has enabled us to progress (apparently). And the aim of expanding this set of "pseudo-knowledge" is to better mankind. Which is why we do it. And which is why I do it.
The ambition is still to save the world. Even if i'm still struggling to save myself.
But sadly i'm still ever so dependent on sleep so i am compelled to make this post short; neglecting the inherently verbose aspect of myself. Which, mind you, is genetically passed on to me from my dad.
I'm blogging because i'm halfway through my 6 papers. For those who can't do the math (you know who i'm talking to) that means i'm done with 3. And 3 to go.
So far the tests have been relatively kind to me - while not easy such that the effects of carelessness are amplified - not too hard in the sense that the questions can be done. Of course, i do not expect full marks like some people (again, you know who i'm talking to; albeit a different group from the above mentioned group), but i could expect - bar a serious bout of unforeseen carelessness - a decent mark.
On a completely separate note (though i would allow quantum tunneling across the barrier i drew above), apparently i have a reputation (for grades??) in MSE. Once more, not perpetuated by me. Good and bad. Good in the sense that it IS, after all, a morale booster. Bad in the sense that it IS, undeniably, adds a substantial self-induced pressure.
On that note, i was wondering where all this self-induced pressure came from - and i've come up with a hypothesis.
Its the gradual procession - the one in which i was unexpectedly told that great things were expected of me - getting addicted to academic excellence right from a tender age. Many people are addicted to this, i know. But eventually realism (or age) catches up and they find other attractions in life. But i'm not. IF anything, MY new attraction is understanding the universe.
I'm on the quest to answer every 'why' - even though out of every 'why', there springs N more 'why's (much like white hairs). Which obviously leads us to a Heisenberg or Godel-like conclusion that (interpreted in my own way) science knows crap.
Oh by the way - sidetracking - Apparently even the heisenberg's uncertainty principle is uncertain. I've seen two different formulae for the same thing.
But godel. Godel just begs the question why do we do this crap.
Which gets back to addiction to knowledge. True knowledge probably is divine - concluded. God's probably the only one who knows the exact velocity and displacement of any particle at any time. Maybe because (theologically speaking) time is a non-existent dimension to Him. But hey, once more, true knowledge - not ours.
What we might have, though, is "pseudo-knowledge". Its what enabled us to develop technology so far. This tiny subset of knowledge that has enabled us to progress (apparently). And the aim of expanding this set of "pseudo-knowledge" is to better mankind. Which is why we do it. And which is why I do it.
The ambition is still to save the world. Even if i'm still struggling to save myself.
Tuesday, February 23
Dawn
I think the mere sporadic nature of blog entries here reduces the readership. Which, is not exactly a bad thing.
Quick update on the abyss of nothing-ness thatis WAS my life. I've kicked aside the depression and self-induced isolation from the world - resolving to be more sociable. And i have the potential to be very sociable.
In many ways this line sticks to me - "the night is darkest before the dawn". I heard it from batman; but who knows where THEY ripped it off from. Personally (obviously) i don't care. Fact: The night is darkest before the dawn.
Its been the case with my life too. Presumably i hit rock bottom a couple of times (over the past 2 years in fact) - don't worry i'm fine now - only to discover that i actually had a diamond-drill that could in fact dig further down. AND a couple of times probably dug into an underground reservoir and drowned too.
But nevertheless, i reckon i've come out on the other side of the globe - even if apparently my body/health doesnt seem to want to come out as well. And now i see the daylight.
So my life seems to be headed in a positive x-direction. Academically - i love my modules much much better than last year. Socially - i know more people in this one semester than i've known for the past 3 semesters. Physically - ok let's not get there; hopefully the fitness (and health) will come back soon.
Btw as I write this i'm having a cough. And probably hypochondria.
I still hate chemistry - no change since JC. Fortunately this is my last Chem module (Inorganic Chem) and for this module, I bought the textbook, so I might as well butter it and swallow it whole.
Ironically a disastrous Finance Quiz (today) has brought a dawning over me that its pointless to worry (like some people) about other people in the course doing better than me - even though technically the grading is by a Gaussian Distribution.
You can't control how other people fare. You just have to do YOUR best and get it right.
Perhaps in time the trauma of last year's B- grade in Metallic Properties will fade away.
Just as perhaps time has healed my soul.
And just as it has brought the Dawn.
Quick update on the abyss of nothing-ness that
In many ways this line sticks to me - "the night is darkest before the dawn". I heard it from batman; but who knows where THEY ripped it off from. Personally (obviously) i don't care. Fact: The night is darkest before the dawn.
Its been the case with my life too. Presumably i hit rock bottom a couple of times (over the past 2 years in fact) - don't worry i'm fine now - only to discover that i actually had a diamond-drill that could in fact dig further down. AND a couple of times probably dug into an underground reservoir and drowned too.
But nevertheless, i reckon i've come out on the other side of the globe - even if apparently my body/health doesnt seem to want to come out as well. And now i see the daylight.
So my life seems to be headed in a positive x-direction. Academically - i love my modules much much better than last year. Socially - i know more people in this one semester than i've known for the past 3 semesters. Physically - ok let's not get there; hopefully the fitness (and health) will come back soon.
Btw as I write this i'm having a cough. And probably hypochondria.
I still hate chemistry - no change since JC. Fortunately this is my last Chem module (Inorganic Chem) and for this module, I bought the textbook, so I might as well butter it and swallow it whole.
Ironically a disastrous Finance Quiz (today) has brought a dawning over me that its pointless to worry (like some people) about other people in the course doing better than me - even though technically the grading is by a Gaussian Distribution.
You can't control how other people fare. You just have to do YOUR best and get it right.
Perhaps in time the trauma of last year's B- grade in Metallic Properties will fade away.
Just as perhaps time has healed my soul.
And just as it has brought the Dawn.
Tuesday, January 5
Today is for happiness
First and foremost, Happy New Year to all! I know its pretty late, but we Indians have a saying "better late than never". Ok fine, its not an exclusively Indian saying, but hey, its probably one that we use more than anybody else - refering, of course, to the notorious Standard Indian Timing; which I believe has been described previously.
Now, moving on, I must add that New Year's has never, ever been happy for school-going children, and their leave-taking parents/siblings. It signifies 'back-to-work/school', and how is that EVER happy?
Thankfully, I (as well as, to my dismay, the whole cohort of Junior College students) only restart school next week. All around me there is a mad rush to maximise the fun during this last week, and yet at the same time, school/work preparations have started - flying off to overseas colleges, buying textbooks, bidding for modules (urgh..) etc.
Which brings me to this unfortunate circumstance where I have many bones to pick with university administration for what some may call unfair treatment. I just call it 'priveledged treatment'. Nevermind, that is what tomorrow is for.
Today is for happiness. Positively thinking, that I'm at least wardrobily-speaking ready for school. Bangkok and PD, combined have me suited up (in the words of Barney Stinson).
Educationally speaking, I'm ready to overturn the deficit that was last year's abysmal results. Uni life can be 1 semester of mistake; and 7 of damage control. Fortunately I have 9 damage-control semesters.
This semester looks like it will be fun(ner). Lets hope it doesn't let me down. Aim for the stars and you will land on the moon. However, if you go fast enough, aim high enough, you could actually hit the stars.
cheers, and let 2010 be a better year than 2009.
Now, moving on, I must add that New Year's has never, ever been happy for school-going children, and their leave-taking parents/siblings. It signifies 'back-to-work/school', and how is that EVER happy?
Thankfully, I (as well as, to my dismay, the whole cohort of Junior College students) only restart school next week. All around me there is a mad rush to maximise the fun during this last week, and yet at the same time, school/work preparations have started - flying off to overseas colleges, buying textbooks, bidding for modules (urgh..) etc.
Which brings me to this unfortunate circumstance where I have many bones to pick with university administration for what some may call unfair treatment. I just call it 'priveledged treatment'. Nevermind, that is what tomorrow is for.
Today is for happiness. Positively thinking, that I'm at least wardrobily-speaking ready for school. Bangkok and PD, combined have me suited up (in the words of Barney Stinson).
Educationally speaking, I'm ready to overturn the deficit that was last year's abysmal results. Uni life can be 1 semester of mistake; and 7 of damage control. Fortunately I have 9 damage-control semesters.
This semester looks like it will be fun(ner). Lets hope it doesn't let me down. Aim for the stars and you will land on the moon. However, if you go fast enough, aim high enough, you could actually hit the stars.
cheers, and let 2010 be a better year than 2009.
Monday, December 21
PD
The last time I attempted to account for a trip, it was mainly for the purpose of myself and my own recollection at some arbitrary point in the distant future. It failed miserably because in that even, not only didn't I manage to complete the account, I only got through one day. In any case the last trip to Port Dickson (PD) was very short and I doubt I'd get stuck writing it half way. Besides, it was a relatively uneventful trip... Key word, of course, being "relatively".
We were supposed to leave on thursday morning, 8am - but as we should consider Std Indian Timing, eventually we left only about 2 hours later. And because of that I saw the practical application of the concept of "projection". At least, as I understand it. The two hour delay was blamed for every bad thing that happened along the way - some rightfully so, such as the delay at the Tuas Checkpoint - and some not so rightfully so. But eventually we reached the PD hotel at 4pm. And here's what's weird - the room was not ready. I mean, normally speaking, rooms are usually available from 2pm onwards, in most hotels. But not in this one. But hey, eventually we did settle down in the room, which had an awesome view of the PD beach (PD is famous for beaches).
Relatively Speaking
My dad has a cousin living in PD, and his life seems to make my life completely boring and dull. Which it is, I acknowledge. I shan't mention all his (and his wife's) endeavours that make me arrive at this conclusion, so I shall just say one thing. He's building his own house. With his own cement mixer, and electrical/plumbing expertise, and own hammer and nails and tiles and materials etc. Only in Malaysia.
Anyway, they took us out for dinner on Thursday to somewhere nearby - within PD town, as well as taking us to a few shops around the town to do shopping. Shopping, while being cheap, has relatively little variety. But then again, me being me, still managed to find new stuff to wear and bought them. Dinner was great (satay and fried rice), but definitely over-ordered. All in all, I think I've managed to bring back added weight from Malaysia.
As I always do.
For dinner on Friday, my dad's other cousin from KL drove down the 1.5 hours (probably he did it in 45 min) to PD for dinner at a seafood restaurant. The crab looked so good, but as usual, I don't dare eat it. Though now i think about it, I ought to have at least taken a bit at the end of the meal. Ah well, no point regretting.
Malaysian Driving
If I was a level N driver before, now I safely can say I'm at least a level N+2 driver. Driving in New Zealand was super easy as compared to Malaysia.
The first harrowing experience was actually on the NS highway itself. Though once I got the hang of it, it was relatively easy. The harrowing part was mainly the speed of the other vehicles on the road. This originally was a new experience, but once the mind gets used to it (the pattern) it became easy to handle. Which explained why South-to-North was much more difficult than North-to-South.
Secondly, for dinner on the second day (Friday), the seafood restaurant was at some super-ulu place that I still doubt even has a name. Following my uncle's car at night was difficult to say the least. Difficult for him too, cos he had to drop his usual speed probably by half. There's a marked difference between these "back-roads" at night and during the day. I could have been driving straight through the jungle and I wouldnt have known it. Eventually, of course, it turned out that I had actually driven past a school, a Malay graveyard, a Chinese graveyard, and a dead dog sprawled on the road. Technically speaking, I did see the dead dog sprawled on the road - abit to late though - and technically speaking drove over it, rather than past it.
And after dinner (at 12mn), driving back, my uncle decided to let loose and drive as fast as he wanted to. I lost him very quickly after that, but luckily my aunt was in the car to help guide me back. To be honest, my ego wouldnt let me say that I lost him that fast - I did successfully tail him for a fair distance, mainly thanks to some well-placed traffic lights.
Sun on the Beach
PD is famous for its beaches. But I didnt manage to get into the sea. At all. Such a waste. It was a combination of laziness on my part, and incessant thunderclouds, and occasional rain, that kept me off the beach. But I did walk by the beach twice - of course both times interrupted by the heaven's crying.
But as I always say, the beach always looks most beautiful just before it rains. So yes, I did get wonderful views of the beach. From both the hotel room and the beach itself.
Anyway, as usual, photos on FB. Soon.
PS. For all who don't know yet, PD is in Negeri Sembilan.
We were supposed to leave on thursday morning, 8am - but as we should consider Std Indian Timing, eventually we left only about 2 hours later. And because of that I saw the practical application of the concept of "projection". At least, as I understand it. The two hour delay was blamed for every bad thing that happened along the way - some rightfully so, such as the delay at the Tuas Checkpoint - and some not so rightfully so. But eventually we reached the PD hotel at 4pm. And here's what's weird - the room was not ready. I mean, normally speaking, rooms are usually available from 2pm onwards, in most hotels. But not in this one. But hey, eventually we did settle down in the room, which had an awesome view of the PD beach (PD is famous for beaches).
Relatively Speaking
My dad has a cousin living in PD, and his life seems to make my life completely boring and dull. Which it is, I acknowledge. I shan't mention all his (and his wife's) endeavours that make me arrive at this conclusion, so I shall just say one thing. He's building his own house. With his own cement mixer, and electrical/plumbing expertise, and own hammer and nails and tiles and materials etc. Only in Malaysia.
Anyway, they took us out for dinner on Thursday to somewhere nearby - within PD town, as well as taking us to a few shops around the town to do shopping. Shopping, while being cheap, has relatively little variety. But then again, me being me, still managed to find new stuff to wear and bought them. Dinner was great (satay and fried rice), but definitely over-ordered. All in all, I think I've managed to bring back added weight from Malaysia.
As I always do.
For dinner on Friday, my dad's other cousin from KL drove down the 1.5 hours (probably he did it in 45 min) to PD for dinner at a seafood restaurant. The crab looked so good, but as usual, I don't dare eat it. Though now i think about it, I ought to have at least taken a bit at the end of the meal. Ah well, no point regretting.
Malaysian Driving
If I was a level N driver before, now I safely can say I'm at least a level N+2 driver. Driving in New Zealand was super easy as compared to Malaysia.
The first harrowing experience was actually on the NS highway itself. Though once I got the hang of it, it was relatively easy. The harrowing part was mainly the speed of the other vehicles on the road. This originally was a new experience, but once the mind gets used to it (the pattern) it became easy to handle. Which explained why South-to-North was much more difficult than North-to-South.
Secondly, for dinner on the second day (Friday), the seafood restaurant was at some super-ulu place that I still doubt even has a name. Following my uncle's car at night was difficult to say the least. Difficult for him too, cos he had to drop his usual speed probably by half. There's a marked difference between these "back-roads" at night and during the day. I could have been driving straight through the jungle and I wouldnt have known it. Eventually, of course, it turned out that I had actually driven past a school, a Malay graveyard, a Chinese graveyard, and a dead dog sprawled on the road. Technically speaking, I did see the dead dog sprawled on the road - abit to late though - and technically speaking drove over it, rather than past it.
And after dinner (at 12mn), driving back, my uncle decided to let loose and drive as fast as he wanted to. I lost him very quickly after that, but luckily my aunt was in the car to help guide me back. To be honest, my ego wouldnt let me say that I lost him that fast - I did successfully tail him for a fair distance, mainly thanks to some well-placed traffic lights.
Sun on the Beach
PD is famous for its beaches. But I didnt manage to get into the sea. At all. Such a waste. It was a combination of laziness on my part, and incessant thunderclouds, and occasional rain, that kept me off the beach. But I did walk by the beach twice - of course both times interrupted by the heaven's crying.
But as I always say, the beach always looks most beautiful just before it rains. So yes, I did get wonderful views of the beach. From both the hotel room and the beach itself.
Anyway, as usual, photos on FB. Soon.
PS. For all who don't know yet, PD is in Negeri Sembilan.
Saturday, December 12
IPPT
Looking back at the past few posts i think there's a whole new emo-phase transformation. Its not my fault. I didnt realise it.. Ah well..
So good news is that the exams are done with. But i still have waking nightmares where i'm rushing to an exam that i woke up late for. Now i feel like Hermione Granger when confronted with a Dementor and seeing that she failed all her exams. According to my mum these nightmares will last even when i'm not doing exams anymore. I disagreed, saying that when i amnt doing exams, i wouldnt possibly be dreaming this. Sadly, mother always knows best - the next night i had a nightmare about being late for a Malay Exam. I haven't taken Malay since 5 years ago.
On a darker note, i believe i have stomach flu - havent been well for the past few days - what a sucky way to look forward to my birthday.
Over here i'll also post a reminder for next year - and advice for other NSMen - don't postpone IPPT too much. OR you'll end up doing your IPPT whilst suffering from stomach flu. And that could make you fail it. Actually, also must add in the fact that a combination of viral fever and exams and depleted my fitness severely.
I was still too disappointed after IPPT to cool down. THAT turned out to be a disaster cos in addition to gasto-entritis i also could not move my aching body around.
Back to the brighter side, there was two surprise birthday parties in a row - one of them being for me. And I would like to thank everyone who made them possible - and for the thought of throwing one for me.
cheers~
So good news is that the exams are done with. But i still have waking nightmares where i'm rushing to an exam that i woke up late for. Now i feel like Hermione Granger when confronted with a Dementor and seeing that she failed all her exams. According to my mum these nightmares will last even when i'm not doing exams anymore. I disagreed, saying that when i amnt doing exams, i wouldnt possibly be dreaming this. Sadly, mother always knows best - the next night i had a nightmare about being late for a Malay Exam. I haven't taken Malay since 5 years ago.
On a darker note, i believe i have stomach flu - havent been well for the past few days - what a sucky way to look forward to my birthday.
Over here i'll also post a reminder for next year - and advice for other NSMen - don't postpone IPPT too much. OR you'll end up doing your IPPT whilst suffering from stomach flu. And that could make you fail it. Actually, also must add in the fact that a combination of viral fever and exams and depleted my fitness severely.
I was still too disappointed after IPPT to cool down. THAT turned out to be a disaster cos in addition to gasto-entritis i also could not move my aching body around.
Back to the brighter side, there was two surprise birthday parties in a row - one of them being for me. And I would like to thank everyone who made them possible - and for the thought of throwing one for me.
cheers~
Thursday, November 12
At the end of the Universe...
What lies beyond the Universe, i used to ask. I used to imagine space as a box (an ever expanding box, granted thanks to the expansion of the Universe, which I knew about even then). But still i would wonder what happens when you get to the end of it.
I'm so tired of everything. Tuition has ended - the 'A' level maths exam is over tomorrow. And so that chapter is over. But now i am left with nothing but my studies. And I cannot make that first in my life. I don't know what's beyond this phase.
Worse, I dont know how to be happy. I need to know how to be happy. I just don't know.
I think my path laid out for me is a very slippery slope - easy to get onto the wrong path. Easy to fall into a ravine where there is only more misery. Only problem is I think this chosen path has a lot of thorns to fight against. There we go - more misery again.
I know i should be grateful i don't have to worry about exams - they are one less thing to worry about and technically they're my element. I could live my life just doing them; i know i must sound super weird and nerdy. But there's smthg abt solving questions that other people can't that really ought to make you feel good about yourself? Probably the same reason why some people run marathons on end. Or become astronauts.
But for now, this year, i think even exams can't cheer me up. The metaphorical octane that i'd use to drive me forward seems to be tainted. I feel like an old car spewing out black smoke, as far as exam preparations are concerned.
As far as life is concerned, I think i'm just the black smoke.
This is as much as a prayer - teach me to be happy.
I'm so tired of everything. Tuition has ended - the 'A' level maths exam is over tomorrow. And so that chapter is over. But now i am left with nothing but my studies. And I cannot make that first in my life. I don't know what's beyond this phase.
Worse, I dont know how to be happy. I need to know how to be happy. I just don't know.
I think my path laid out for me is a very slippery slope - easy to get onto the wrong path. Easy to fall into a ravine where there is only more misery. Only problem is I think this chosen path has a lot of thorns to fight against. There we go - more misery again.
I know i should be grateful i don't have to worry about exams - they are one less thing to worry about and technically they're my element. I could live my life just doing them; i know i must sound super weird and nerdy. But there's smthg abt solving questions that other people can't that really ought to make you feel good about yourself? Probably the same reason why some people run marathons on end. Or become astronauts.
But for now, this year, i think even exams can't cheer me up. The metaphorical octane that i'd use to drive me forward seems to be tainted. I feel like an old car spewing out black smoke, as far as exam preparations are concerned.
As far as life is concerned, I think i'm just the black smoke.
This is as much as a prayer - teach me to be happy.
Tuesday, October 13
Panoramic View of the Fabric
I must learn to take things positively, rather than continuously allow my soul to be eroded by this attritive environment.
I've lately discovered a technique that pretty much allows me to place myself above the environment - viewing it from a bird's eye perspective; almost taking the environment as a study into human psychology and behaviour. Well, pretty much actually taking the environment as a study of human behaviour.
I suddenly got reminded of Dr Manhattan from Watchmen; how he isolated himself from the world, partly because he felt no connection to mankind.
Apparently I'm waiting for any anchor. Any anchor at all that attaches me to this world. Apparently I have to be patient and some sort of anchor would come along.
In my study of the humans in NUS, I noticed one thing - they are a communal society; perpetually either in direct or indirect contact with their fellow humans. Each of them is anchored to this world by another, creating a complex web to which they are all bound. Its almost interesting, and yet sad at the same time.
While this aerial view is panoramic and very educational, some parts of me actually want to join the messed up tangled web that is mankind. Currently can't think of a reason why.
But somehow I feel that I really have to let go of this longing to belong to that web.
Because that web isn't permanent. It's continuosly changing. "People always leave" is a cliche that still holds.
The countless cliques form around the individuals trapped in between them. It's easy to be invisible. It's easy to yearn to belong - harder to accept that perhaps its pointless to 'belong' after all, because ultimately we only belong to God, not to this world here that we have so efficiently mutilated. And penultimately we belong to ourselves - just like everyone out there.
I was detached by this world as cliques crystallised around me; finally cut off when my last anchor to the web snapped free. It wasn't my choice, and I've moped enough.
The view up here is panoramic. From up here, once you are comfortable with your position, you see the whole social fabric. You don't question whether you like it or dislike it, you accept it for what it is. But paradoxically, once you manage to detach yourself from every single person there; you're connected to each and every one of them.
Each and every one of your research subjects.
I've lately discovered a technique that pretty much allows me to place myself above the environment - viewing it from a bird's eye perspective; almost taking the environment as a study into human psychology and behaviour. Well, pretty much actually taking the environment as a study of human behaviour.
I suddenly got reminded of Dr Manhattan from Watchmen; how he isolated himself from the world, partly because he felt no connection to mankind.
Apparently I'm waiting for any anchor. Any anchor at all that attaches me to this world. Apparently I have to be patient and some sort of anchor would come along.
In my study of the humans in NUS, I noticed one thing - they are a communal society; perpetually either in direct or indirect contact with their fellow humans. Each of them is anchored to this world by another, creating a complex web to which they are all bound. Its almost interesting, and yet sad at the same time.
While this aerial view is panoramic and very educational, some parts of me actually want to join the messed up tangled web that is mankind. Currently can't think of a reason why.
But somehow I feel that I really have to let go of this longing to belong to that web.
Because that web isn't permanent. It's continuosly changing. "People always leave" is a cliche that still holds.
The countless cliques form around the individuals trapped in between them. It's easy to be invisible. It's easy to yearn to belong - harder to accept that perhaps its pointless to 'belong' after all, because ultimately we only belong to God, not to this world here that we have so efficiently mutilated. And penultimately we belong to ourselves - just like everyone out there.
I was detached by this world as cliques crystallised around me; finally cut off when my last anchor to the web snapped free. It wasn't my choice, and I've moped enough.
The view up here is panoramic. From up here, once you are comfortable with your position, you see the whole social fabric. You don't question whether you like it or dislike it, you accept it for what it is. But paradoxically, once you manage to detach yourself from every single person there; you're connected to each and every one of them.
Each and every one of your research subjects.
Monday, October 5
Smile
I've been looking for this song for a long long time since I heard it on the radio..
You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile
Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile
Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile
Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile
Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile
Thursday, September 24
Day 8
Day 8 of a new chapter in my life. And I had a really really horrible dream.
Note: NOT a nightmare. A dream.
Because I didn't want it to end. I really did not.
It started with me going to prison; being turned in by my own mother... But thats just probably explained by a tv-show that i had just watched. And that wasn't the horrible part.
The horrible part was coming out of prison. And seeing her.
That's what it was. A dream and nothing more.
The only previous time that i ever had a dream that i really did not want to end was when i was a genie in my dream i.e. had magical powers. But i would so rather have this dream than that.
Note: NOT a nightmare. A dream.
Because I didn't want it to end. I really did not.
It started with me going to prison; being turned in by my own mother... But thats just probably explained by a tv-show that i had just watched. And that wasn't the horrible part.
The horrible part was coming out of prison. And seeing her.
That's what it was. A dream and nothing more.
The only previous time that i ever had a dream that i really did not want to end was when i was a genie in my dream i.e. had magical powers. But i would so rather have this dream than that.
Thursday, September 17
A Sense of Belonging
Ben Anderson dealt with the definition of nations. But somewhere in his notion of a nation being an imagined community, I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Mostly to the idea of how people need to belong, and how they identify themselves with communities. Like go up to a hardcore Victorian (from VJC or VS) and he will definitely profess a fair bit of loyalty and probably even space out for a few microseconds reminiscing about the awesome times he had at that school. Clearly, from my tone, I'm not he.
I don't identify myself with many groups, even though, in my experience, identification with a particular group can definitely break the ice. I remember two incidents, previously, where I was forced into proximity to people and there was clearly nothing to talk about. And then miraculously something came up (once it was soccer, and once it was a computer game) and suddenly that broke the ice.
But clearly identifying myself as a "soccer fan/player" or "fan of that computer game" does not suffice. I mean, where are these people now?
And identifying myself as an engineer (or a business student) is soo far from the truth. I need a smaller group that i can truly identify myself with, cos curently, i can't.
And everybody needs to belong right?
I don't identify myself with many groups, even though, in my experience, identification with a particular group can definitely break the ice. I remember two incidents, previously, where I was forced into proximity to people and there was clearly nothing to talk about. And then miraculously something came up (once it was soccer, and once it was a computer game) and suddenly that broke the ice.
But clearly identifying myself as a "soccer fan/player" or "fan of that computer game" does not suffice. I mean, where are these people now?
And identifying myself as an engineer (or a business student) is soo far from the truth. I need a smaller group that i can truly identify myself with, cos curently, i can't.
And everybody needs to belong right?
Tuesday, September 15
The Line
Its almost been a month; and this is a suprise, considering how many times I found myself blogging in my head. But then, its those times when you have that I-need-to-blog-in-my-head that two things happen:
I was miserable a couple of days back. At the risk of sounding cryptic, I thought I was imagining a phenomenon that made me feel worse. And then an incident happened where I realised that I wasn't imagining it - and the mere irony of it put abit of laughter into my day. Even if the phenomenon was truly happening to me.
I think it just serves to give me a clear path ahead. Of what I should do; and who matters to me. Doesnt really makes sense if people to whom you dont matter, matter alot to you, does it?
I used to think my issue was that people always leave. But now I realise that's not my issue. People do leave, but its a way of life - everyone gets that. My issue is that people don't come. And for so long I've accused myself of not making the necessary inroads to facilitate this development (people coming) - and then I realise that its just a matter of wrong target audience.
But for now, the line between friend and pseudofriend will be drawn. And we start with a clean (or good) slate.
On a different note - the USOpen of Tennis - I finally was interested in the ladies draw since the fairytale of Kim Clijsters is taking place. And of course in the men's, Nadal's defeat to del Potro was easily foreseeable considering their styles of play. I thought he'd lose, not get annihilated though. But upon watching that match, I actually opine that that was the closest fought annihilation i have ever seen. As much of an oxymoron that may be.
The "King of Queens" RF marches on towards another final and hopefully another grand slam to his name - after a shot in the semis that probably was a testament to his alien/divine origins. Considering the divine argument, Djokovic should not have been looking up to the heavens pleadingly - just across the net. He seems out to set a mark that the hypothetical Agassi - Graf child would struggle to come up to.
I really oughtnt have been watching that game - or blogging for that matter - considering i have a mid term test tmr. urgh...
- You're not at a computer terminal
- You would have censored that post anyway
I was miserable a couple of days back. At the risk of sounding cryptic, I thought I was imagining a phenomenon that made me feel worse. And then an incident happened where I realised that I wasn't imagining it - and the mere irony of it put abit of laughter into my day. Even if the phenomenon was truly happening to me.
I think it just serves to give me a clear path ahead. Of what I should do; and who matters to me. Doesnt really makes sense if people to whom you dont matter, matter alot to you, does it?
I used to think my issue was that people always leave. But now I realise that's not my issue. People do leave, but its a way of life - everyone gets that. My issue is that people don't come. And for so long I've accused myself of not making the necessary inroads to facilitate this development (people coming) - and then I realise that its just a matter of wrong target audience.
But for now, the line between friend and pseudofriend will be drawn. And we start with a clean (or good) slate.
On a different note - the USOpen of Tennis - I finally was interested in the ladies draw since the fairytale of Kim Clijsters is taking place. And of course in the men's, Nadal's defeat to del Potro was easily foreseeable considering their styles of play. I thought he'd lose, not get annihilated though. But upon watching that match, I actually opine that that was the closest fought annihilation i have ever seen. As much of an oxymoron that may be.
The "King of Queens" RF marches on towards another final and hopefully another grand slam to his name - after a shot in the semis that probably was a testament to his alien/divine origins. Considering the divine argument, Djokovic should not have been looking up to the heavens pleadingly - just across the net. He seems out to set a mark that the hypothetical Agassi - Graf child would struggle to come up to.
I really oughtnt have been watching that game - or blogging for that matter - considering i have a mid term test tmr. urgh...
Thursday, August 20
14 days later
14 days later and finally the admin is settled. I am (re)settling into uni life; even if for some absurd reason settling into year 1 seemed easier. Maybe because this semester, as mentioned elsewhere, requires so much more variety in thinking; more than my usual capability of two brains - one for biz, one for engin.
So many laments about the DDP that i'm taking; yet i ain't quitting any time soon. But if the story of German were to repeat itself (hopefully not) i'll quit before they fire me. Standard Operating Procedure.
OR perhaps that was 7 years ago - this is now.
Anyway, next week tutorials start so looks like i'd have to start my work. And fortunately, this year i have one less module to cope with, albeit the exact same amount of MCs to deal with. i'm just hoping that i can go on overseas exchange to 'enjoy' abit. At least away from this murder of a place.. In so many ways.
My New Term Resolution - to get a SAP i deem reasonable; perhaps similar to first sem, and at the same time to get as much playing (off-computer) done as possible. this includes Ping Pong, Badminton, Soccer, Tennis etc..
But now, soo tired.
So many laments about the DDP that i'm taking; yet i ain't quitting any time soon. But if the story of German were to repeat itself (hopefully not) i'll quit before they fire me. Standard Operating Procedure.
OR perhaps that was 7 years ago - this is now.
Anyway, next week tutorials start so looks like i'd have to start my work. And fortunately, this year i have one less module to cope with, albeit the exact same amount of MCs to deal with. i'm just hoping that i can go on overseas exchange to 'enjoy' abit. At least away from this murder of a place.. In so many ways.
My New Term Resolution - to get a SAP i deem reasonable; perhaps similar to first sem, and at the same time to get as much playing (off-computer) done as possible. this includes Ping Pong, Badminton, Soccer, Tennis etc..
But now, soo tired.
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