Today is for happiness

First and foremost, Happy New Year to all! I know its pretty late, but we Indians have a saying "better late than never". Ok fine, its not an exclusively Indian saying, but hey, its probably one that we use more than anybody else - refering, of course, to the notorious Standard Indian Timing; which I believe has been described previously.

Now, moving on, I must add that New Year's has never, ever been happy for school-going children, and their leave-taking parents/siblings. It signifies 'back-to-work/school', and how is that EVER happy?

Thankfully, I (as well as, to my dismay, the whole cohort of Junior College students) only restart school next week. All around me there is a mad rush to maximise the fun during this last week, and yet at the same time, school/work preparations have started - flying off to overseas colleges, buying textbooks, bidding for modules (urgh..) etc.

Which brings me to this unfortunate circumstance where I have many bones to pick with university administration for what some may call unfair treatment. I just call it 'priveledged treatment'. Nevermind, that is what tomorrow is for.

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Today is for happiness. Positively thinking, that I'm at least wardrobily-speaking ready for school. Bangkok and PD, combined have me suited up (in the words of Barney Stinson).

Educationally speaking, I'm ready to overturn the deficit that was last year's abysmal results. Uni life can be 1 semester of mistake; and 7 of damage control. Fortunately I have 9 damage-control semesters.

This semester looks like it will be fun(ner). Lets hope it doesn't let me down. Aim for the stars and you will land on the moon. However, if you go fast enough, aim high enough, you could actually hit the stars.

cheers, and let 2010 be a better year than 2009.

PD

The last time I attempted to account for a trip, it was mainly for the purpose of myself and my own recollection at some arbitrary point in the distant future. It failed miserably because in that even, not only didn't I manage to complete the account, I only got through one day. In any case the last trip to Port Dickson (PD) was very short and I doubt I'd get stuck writing it half way. Besides, it was a relatively uneventful trip... Key word, of course, being "relatively".

We were supposed to leave on thursday morning, 8am - but as we should consider Std Indian Timing, eventually we left only about 2 hours later. And because of that I saw the practical application of the concept of "projection". At least, as I understand it. The two hour delay was blamed for every bad thing that happened along the way - some rightfully so, such as the delay at the Tuas Checkpoint - and some not so rightfully so. But eventually we reached the PD hotel at 4pm. And here's what's weird - the room was not ready. I mean, normally speaking, rooms are usually available from 2pm onwards, in most hotels. But not in this one. But hey, eventually we did settle down in the room, which had an awesome view of the PD beach (PD is famous for beaches).

Relatively Speaking
My dad has a cousin living in PD, and his life seems to make my life completely boring and dull. Which it is, I acknowledge. I shan't mention all his (and his wife's) endeavours that make me arrive at this conclusion, so I shall just say one thing. He's building his own house. With his own cement mixer, and electrical/plumbing expertise, and own hammer and nails and tiles and materials etc. Only in Malaysia.

Anyway, they took us out for dinner on Thursday to somewhere nearby - within PD town, as well as taking us to a few shops around the town to do shopping. Shopping, while being cheap, has relatively little variety. But then again, me being me, still managed to find new stuff to wear and bought them. Dinner was great (satay and fried rice), but definitely over-ordered. All in all, I think I've managed to bring back added weight from Malaysia.

As I always do.

For dinner on Friday, my dad's other cousin from KL drove down the 1.5 hours (probably he did it in 45 min) to PD for dinner at a seafood restaurant. The crab looked so good, but as usual, I don't dare eat it. Though now i think about it, I ought to have at least taken a bit at the end of the meal. Ah well, no point regretting.

Malaysian Driving
If I was a level N driver before, now I safely can say I'm at least a level N+2 driver. Driving in New Zealand was super easy as compared to Malaysia.

The first harrowing experience was actually on the NS highway itself. Though once I got the hang of it, it was relatively easy. The harrowing part was mainly the speed of the other vehicles on the road. This originally was a new experience, but once the mind gets used to it (the pattern) it became easy to handle. Which explained why South-to-North was much more difficult than North-to-South.

Secondly, for dinner on the second day (Friday), the seafood restaurant was at some super-ulu place that I still doubt even has a name. Following my uncle's car at night was difficult to say the least. Difficult for him too, cos he had to drop his usual speed probably by half. There's a marked difference between these "back-roads" at night and during the day. I could have been driving straight through the jungle and I wouldnt have known it. Eventually, of course, it turned out that I had actually driven past a school, a Malay graveyard, a Chinese graveyard, and a dead dog sprawled on the road. Technically speaking, I did see the dead dog sprawled on the road - abit to late though - and technically speaking drove over it, rather than past it.

And after dinner (at 12mn), driving back, my uncle decided to let loose and drive as fast as he wanted to. I lost him very quickly after that, but luckily my aunt was in the car to help guide me back. To be honest, my ego wouldnt let me say that I lost him that fast - I did successfully tail him for a fair distance, mainly thanks to some well-placed traffic lights.

Sun on the Beach
PD is famous for its beaches. But I didnt manage to get into the sea. At all. Such a waste. It was a combination of laziness on my part, and incessant thunderclouds, and occasional rain, that kept me off the beach. But I did walk by the beach twice - of course both times interrupted by the heaven's crying.

But as I always say, the beach always looks most beautiful just before it rains. So yes, I did get wonderful views of the beach. From both the hotel room and the beach itself.

Anyway, as usual, photos on FB. Soon.

PS. For all who don't know yet, PD is in Negeri Sembilan.

IPPT

Looking back at the past few posts i think there's a whole new emo-phase transformation. Its not my fault. I didnt realise it.. Ah well..

So good news is that the exams are done with. But i still have waking nightmares where i'm rushing to an exam that i woke up late for. Now i feel like Hermione Granger when confronted with a Dementor and seeing that she failed all her exams. According to my mum these nightmares will last even when i'm not doing exams anymore. I disagreed, saying that when i amnt doing exams, i wouldnt possibly be dreaming this. Sadly, mother always knows best - the next night i had a nightmare about being late for a Malay Exam. I haven't taken Malay since 5 years ago.

On a darker note, i believe i have stomach flu - havent been well for the past few days - what a sucky way to look forward to my birthday.

Over here i'll also post a reminder for next year - and advice for other NSMen - don't postpone IPPT too much. OR you'll end up doing your IPPT whilst suffering from stomach flu. And that could make you fail it. Actually, also must add in the fact that a combination of viral fever and exams and depleted my fitness severely.

I was still too disappointed after IPPT to cool down. THAT turned out to be a disaster cos in addition to gasto-entritis i also could not move my aching body around.

---

Back to the brighter side, there was two surprise birthday parties in a row - one of them being for me. And I would like to thank everyone who made them possible - and for the thought of throwing one for me.

cheers~

At the end of the Universe...

What lies beyond the Universe, i used to ask. I used to imagine space as a box (an ever expanding box, granted thanks to the expansion of the Universe, which I knew about even then). But still i would wonder what happens when you get to the end of it.

---

I'm so tired of everything. Tuition has ended - the 'A' level maths exam is over tomorrow. And so that chapter is over. But now i am left with nothing but my studies. And I cannot make that first in my life. I don't know what's beyond this phase.

Worse, I dont know how to be happy. I need to know how to be happy. I just don't know.

---

I think my path laid out for me is a very slippery slope - easy to get onto the wrong path. Easy to fall into a ravine where there is only more misery. Only problem is I think this chosen path has a lot of thorns to fight against. There we go - more misery again.

---

I know i should be grateful i don't have to worry about exams - they are one less thing to worry about and technically they're my element. I could live my life just doing them; i know i must sound super weird and nerdy. But there's smthg abt solving questions that other people can't that really ought to make you feel good about yourself? Probably the same reason why some people run marathons on end. Or become astronauts.

But for now, this year, i think even exams can't cheer me up. The metaphorical octane that i'd use to drive me forward seems to be tainted. I feel like an old car spewing out black smoke, as far as exam preparations are concerned.

As far as life is concerned, I think i'm just the black smoke.

This is as much as a prayer - teach me to be happy.

Panoramic View of the Fabric

I must learn to take things positively, rather than continuously allow my soul to be eroded by this attritive environment.

I've lately discovered a technique that pretty much allows me to place myself above the environment - viewing it from a bird's eye perspective; almost taking the environment as a study into human psychology and behaviour. Well, pretty much actually taking the environment as a study of human behaviour.

I suddenly got reminded of Dr Manhattan from Watchmen; how he isolated himself from the world, partly because he felt no connection to mankind.

Apparently I'm waiting for any anchor. Any anchor at all that attaches me to this world. Apparently I have to be patient and some sort of anchor would come along.

In my study of the humans in NUS, I noticed one thing - they are a communal society; perpetually either in direct or indirect contact with their fellow humans. Each of them is anchored to this world by another, creating a complex web to which they are all bound. Its almost interesting, and yet sad at the same time.

While this aerial view is panoramic and very educational, some parts of me actually want to join the messed up tangled web that is mankind. Currently can't think of a reason why.

But somehow I feel that I really have to let go of this longing to belong to that web.

Because that web isn't permanent. It's continuosly changing. "People always leave" is a cliche that still holds.

The countless cliques form around the individuals trapped in between them. It's easy to be invisible. It's easy to yearn to belong - harder to accept that perhaps its pointless to 'belong' after all, because ultimately we only belong to God, not to this world here that we have so efficiently mutilated. And penultimately we belong to ourselves - just like everyone out there.

I was detached by this world as cliques crystallised around me; finally cut off when my last anchor to the web snapped free. It wasn't my choice, and I've moped enough.

The view up here is panoramic. From up here, once you are comfortable with your position, you see the whole social fabric. You don't question whether you like it or dislike it, you accept it for what it is. But paradoxically, once you manage to detach yourself from every single person there; you're connected to each and every one of them.
Each and every one of your research subjects.

Smile

I've been looking for this song for a long long time since I heard it on the radio..

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Day 8

Day 8 of a new chapter in my life. And I had a really really horrible dream.

Note: NOT a nightmare. A dream.

Because I didn't want it to end. I really did not.

It started with me going to prison; being turned in by my own mother... But thats just probably explained by a tv-show that i had just watched. And that wasn't the horrible part.

The horrible part was coming out of prison. And seeing her.

That's what it was. A dream and nothing more.

The only previous time that i ever had a dream that i really did not want to end was when i was a genie in my dream i.e. had magical powers. But i would so rather have this dream than that.

A Sense of Belonging

Ben Anderson dealt with the definition of nations. But somewhere in his notion of a nation being an imagined community, I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Mostly to the idea of how people need to belong, and how they identify themselves with communities. Like go up to a hardcore Victorian (from VJC or VS) and he will definitely profess a fair bit of loyalty and probably even space out for a few microseconds reminiscing about the awesome times he had at that school. Clearly, from my tone, I'm not he.

I don't identify myself with many groups, even though, in my experience, identification with a particular group can definitely break the ice. I remember two incidents, previously, where I was forced into proximity to people and there was clearly nothing to talk about. And then miraculously something came up (once it was soccer, and once it was a computer game) and suddenly that broke the ice.

But clearly identifying myself as a "soccer fan/player" or "fan of that computer game" does not suffice. I mean, where are these people now?

And identifying myself as an engineer (or a business student) is soo far from the truth. I need a smaller group that i can truly identify myself with, cos curently, i can't.

And everybody needs to belong right?

The Line

Its almost been a month; and this is a suprise, considering how many times I found myself blogging in my head. But then, its those times when you have that I-need-to-blog-in-my-head that two things happen:

1. You're not at a computer terminal
2. You would have censored that post anyway

Because face it, even given the false assumption that anyone actually bothers to read a blog that's updated very very erratically and infrequently, we wouldnt want the world to ACTUALLY hear what's in our heads. I dont know why. Fear that they wouldn't care, perhaps? Or worse, fear that they would pretend to?

I was miserable a couple of days back. At the risk of sounding cryptic, I thought I was imagining a phenomenon that made me feel worse. And then an incident happened where I realised that I wasn't imagining it - and the mere irony of it put abit of laughter into my day. Even if the phenomenon was truly happening to me.

I think it just serves to give me a clear path ahead. Of what I should do; and who matters to me. Doesnt really makes sense if people to whom you dont matter, matter alot to you, does it?

I used to think my issue was that people always leave. But now I realise that's not my issue. People do leave, but its a way of life - everyone gets that. My issue is that people don't come. And for so long I've accused myself of not making the necessary inroads to facilitate this development (people coming) - and then I realise that its just a matter of wrong target audience.

But for now, the line between friend and pseudofriend will be drawn. And we start with a clean (or good) slate.

---

On a different note - the USOpen of Tennis - I finally was interested in the ladies draw since the fairytale of Kim Clijsters is taking place. And of course in the men's, Nadal's defeat to del Potro was easily foreseeable considering their styles of play. I thought he'd lose, not get annihilated though. But upon watching that match, I actually opine that that was the closest fought annihilation i have ever seen. As much of an oxymoron that may be.

The "King of Queens" RF marches on towards another final and hopefully another grand slam to his name - after a shot in the semis that probably was a testament to his alien/divine origins. Considering the divine argument, Djokovic should not have been looking up to the heavens pleadingly - just across the net. He seems out to set a mark that the hypothetical Agassi - Graf child would struggle to come up to.

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I really oughtnt have been watching that game - or blogging for that matter - considering i have a mid term test tmr. urgh...

14 days later

14 days later and finally the admin is settled. I am (re)settling into uni life; even if for some absurd reason settling into year 1 seemed easier. Maybe because this semester, as mentioned elsewhere, requires so much more variety in thinking; more than my usual capability of two brains - one for biz, one for engin.

So many laments about the DDP that i'm taking; yet i ain't quitting any time soon. But if the story of German were to repeat itself (hopefully not) i'll quit before they fire me. Standard Operating Procedure.

OR perhaps that was 7 years ago - this is now.

Anyway, next week tutorials start so looks like i'd have to start my work. And fortunately, this year i have one less module to cope with, albeit the exact same amount of MCs to deal with. i'm just hoping that i can go on overseas exchange to 'enjoy' abit. At least away from this murder of a place.. In so many ways.

My New Term Resolution - to get a SAP i deem reasonable; perhaps similar to first sem, and at the same time to get as much playing (off-computer) done as possible. this includes Ping Pong, Badminton, Soccer, Tennis etc..

But now, soo tired.

When School Starts

Irritatingly enough, school has started and the complication of taking a unique blend of courses has begun to show its ugly face. Both core Biz Modules decided to have their examinations on the exact date (and time) as the two core Engin Modules that most of Year 2 MSE students are taking. So I ended up salvaging a last hope of the MLE experience by taking another core module. And then I get to discover that I'm taking it with 56 other Year 3 MSE students. I think.

At least 50 other Year 3 MSE students to a 99% confidence interval.

55 to a 90% confidence interval.

And no, I didn't sign up for Statistics. Which, on hindsight, would have been the intelligent choice upon dropping this Year 3 - infested module. Not that I'm against them, even if I did use a word loaded with negativity. Its just that

1. I don't know anyone. At all. Not even seen before.
2. Everyone else has experience / knowledge that really ought to give a competitive advantage.

I must consider the benefits / advantages.

1. My knowledge of the pre-requisite MLE1101 is fresher.

Ultimately I've already leant towards taking this module, partly as a challenge for myself (like I need that).

And mainly because the time for signing up for a replacement module is OVER.

---

More complaints about the unique combinations - I have two FYPs to complete, apparently. And I might actually have two Job attachments; though this second point, upon mulling over doesn't seem sensible. Though it would definitely be beneficial.

Good news is that I have four more years to deal with this - which means 2 more slots for me to fill up with internships, and perhaps one with a special semester. If absolutely necessary.

Rules of Order

When I was in Sydney, I started on a mini project - to find a general "rule" for the vehicle number plates. Very quickly I came up with a hypothesis - that all vehicles had 6 alphanumeric characters on each of their license plates. Then Day 4, and I crashed into my first problem - the taxi. It didnt have 6 characters. And neither did the buses. So I partitioned the set of vehicles into private cars, buses and taxis; because that made sense. Or else right from the beginning we would have to include trains and ferries and boats (which actually DO have license plates) in the category vehicles. So cars had 6 alphanumeric characters.

Then came another blow. A car with 5. But fortunately, upon closer inspection, the car's number plate did not state (pardon the pun) NSW (New South Wales) but ACT (Something to do with Canberra, similar to Wilayah Perseketuan in M'sia). So the formula read likeso: All cars from NSW had 6 alphanumeric characteristics. That held for another 5 more days.

Until Day 9. Last day. An NSW car with 5 characters. Not just one, but two. There went the hypothesis. So eventually I conceded that I did not have sufficient time to establish a working formula for License Plates in Sydney.

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This event draws a parallel to how I've tried desperately for years to subconsciously connect people's characteristics. But like the above case, just when you get one working generalisation/hypothesis along comes one anomaly.

There is supposed to be underlying order beneath the chaos that is humanity. People who understand that order, even subconsciously, wield certain powers. I've an unhealthy addiction to order.

Everyone can do it to some level - its called EQ; understanding people.

But we look for the Grand Unified Theory - similar to Asimov's psychohistory - that links all humanity; one set of rules that partition humanity and generalise it to a degree that enables it to be used sufficiently well to better the world.

Sydney 2009

I'm back from Sydney. Oh yes. I went to Sydney. And now I'm back.

I like Australia. I like it better than Europe, mainly because I don't like Europe all too much. I like New Zealand better, of course. But I like Australia too.

Anyway, I hadnt been to Sydney in around 15 years, so duh, the city had changed a bit. Not that I can remember much from then. On one hand, I know that Sydney was bigger last time round. Or perhaps I was smaller. More likely the second one. For one, the Olympics hadn't come to Sydney yet.

If I write down everything that we (Gobi, Naf, Puvanes, I) did, a few problems would arise.

1. I'll take forever
2. I'll write the wrong things
3. I'll get lazy
4. You'll get bored

So I'll summarize by glossing over more mundane stuff and giving snippets on what's there to see at Sydney etc.

...

Day 1 (Thursday):

• Arrival at Sydney
• Walk to Sydney Park (halfway back to the Airport, incidentally)
• Sleep
• Visit Sydney Uni
• Watch Transformer
  

Day 2 (Friday):

• Visit Sydney Uni again
• Play badminton
• Visit Paddy's Market

Day 3 (Saturday):

• Visit Eveleigh Market (Flea Market)
• Visit Circular Quay (i.e. Oprah's House, HarboUr Bridge)
• Visit Botanic Gardens, Library, and Hyde Park Barracks
• Walk around Hyde Park (St Mary's Cathedral, Sydney Tower)
• Dinner at Mr & Mrs Kumar's place (Landlords-Friends-Neighbours) - Beautiful Dinner btw.
• Wimbledon ladies final.

Day 4 (Sunday)

• Coogee to Bondi Beach walk
• But arrived at Bondi Beach only after Sundown.
• Attended Mass at St Patrick's Church at 8pm.
• Wimbledon Men's Final. History was made.

Day 5 (Monday)

• Circular Quay (Customs House, Ferry Ride)
• Darling Harbour
• Naval Museum

Day 6 (Tuesday)

• Circular Quay
• Sydney Harbour Bridge (Crossing)
• Ferry back

Day 7 (Wednesday)

• BLUE MOUNTAINS!!! @ Katoomba

Day 8 (Thursday)

• Museum of Sydney
• Hyde Park Barracks (again)
• Paddy's (again)
  

Day 9 (Friday)

• Sydney Olympic Park

Day 10 (Saturday)

• Justice & Police Museum
• The Rocks
• Bondi Beach
• Dinner @ the Kumar's

Day 11 (Sunday)

• Church (St Mary's Cathedral)
• Aeroplane back

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Just a bit of details about a bit.

Blue Mountains

At 1000+m into the sky, the temperature there is a fair bit lower than elsewhere. Not only that, we were literally walking in a cloud. Literally. Visibility was very poor as long as the cloud was there, but thankfully, the clouds kept moving so visibility was an on-off thing.

From Katoomba train station, we took a bus down to the scenic areas from where we walked, took a cable car, a very steep 30second train ride, and a walk through a rainforest. The scenery was fantastic, although we did not manage to see the crowning glory of the place - the 3 sisters rock formation. Reason being, we were in a cloud that was not relenting. Nevertheless, when we were not looking into the nothingness offered by trying to look through a cloud, we were treated to great scenery.

In terms of weather, it was raining. in the cloud. a phenomenon i didnt think possible. but it happened. Apart from that it was cold. very cold. finger movement was thus limited.

Sydney Olympic Park

In the light of recent events at Wimbledon, London, the world has proclaimed the greatest player to ever hold a tennis racquet to be Roger Federer. Now to those who didnt know this, RF met his future wife in Sydney, while they were training for the Olympics. So while Fed-craze was still fresh in the light of Wimbledon, we went hunting for the ground where RF first met Mirka - Sydney Olympic Park. Perhaps we could find an "RF + M" engraved in a tree somewhere since RF was still a teen and not a legend at that time.

However hours of searching yielded no tree with "RF + M" or anything of that sort. Looking back, I'd have done the world a favour by engraving it myself. Apart from that, it felt good to stand on grounds where great athletes once competed, 9 years ago.

The map of Olympic Park gave us the impression it could be covered easily. But after walking around for half an hour and realising we only walked 10% of the map, that was not feasible. Obviously. So we were content with 40% of Sydney Olympic Park. Which definitely included the tennis center.

Still Waters

Still waters run really deep.
Sometimes so deep that you could be swimming in it and unaware of the current deep below.

And you happily - well at least not despairingly - play at the surface.
Thinking that life's not that bad.

And it happens very suddenly.
Very very suddenly.

And then you drown.
Only that you don't die.
You definitely drown.

And why on earth did you test the deep water?

Away From The Sun

Quick update, since i dont want this blog to die a slow and painful death that happens to so many other blogs. And since i dont want to do the noble thing and kill the blog by either moving it to a different URL so that it seems i was bored with the old one OR by just stopping blogging altogether, i'm jus putting a short post (which wont be that short) in.

Now, since my last post;

1. Exams have started (bad)
   
2. Exams have ended (good)
   
3. Exam results are out (good)
   
4. Holidays have started
5. Planning for my Sydney Trip has started
6. Roadbumps (not unexpected) in the planning for my Sydney Trip have started
7. I started a soccer team
8. I organised a training session for the soccer team
9. The soccer team got disbanded

Generally the trend is simple. I start something. It fails.

I think we just have to take the little victories we have that come along the way... The most recent would be the fact that I'm going to Sydney!!!

So many reasons to be happy about that:

1. Chilling with good friends
2. Chilling with cool weather (literally)
3. Related to above, not burning up in this idiotic heat
4. Freezing in Bondi Beach (its winter)
5. Freezing in Blue Mountains (its winter and a mountain)
6. Skiing??! I so want to try.
7. And a long trip Away from the Sun (again related to points two and three)...

Weather killing me.

Anw, i read in a book recently that a huge negative point about human beings is the amount of time we spend complaining. So i'll just give it a go and try to be positive.

I'm sweating out carbs..? Well i tried.

Goodnight~

Evolution

Blogs that complain about the weather could be considered super dull because "the weather", as we all know, has a stigma attached to it as a conversation topic (and thus blog topic) as being extraordinarily dull. And you only bring it up when you have nthg else to say, like for example to a long lost cousin from England, or India. Or Tekong. Whatever.

Anw, so this entry is about evolution. Because i'm more highly evolved than the ordinary person. Yes. And i'm not boasting.

We all know that i cant stand the cold. Well, yeah not ALL of us know, but at least most people who know me know that i cant stand the cold. I mean, the LT is way too cold for me, and i'm always in sweaters etc. I also never turn on the aircon in my room. Ok very very rarely.

But this recent heat wave has taught me - i'm more prepared for global warming than most people. In fact, i'm about up there with those people who have evolved gills and/or flippers to survive when tide levels start to rise. Hm.

No i think they'd still be more highly evolved than me.

So i'll just have to wait for my flippers to grow. Its coming...

The Beginning of the End

I've taken a deep long breath. Because finally.. and i say FINALLY.. all my projects and continual assessments have come to an end. Financial Accting project finally handed up, and the last of the CS Labs (12%) was on wednesday and the last of the EG Labs (5%) was just now. So they're all over. And i feel like taking a breath to enjoy that right now.

Of course after releasing that breath i would then realise that i still hv final exams to fight for. It might be a relief to know there's only 40% of CS grade left to fight for.. but still...

Once i release that breath i would have to start to worry. But for now. I'm holding my breath...

Why?

I am so freaking tired of work.

And i so freaking have a vacancy in the middle of my chest.

I just want to go to sleep.

I can't move my feet.

I can't move my mind.

I can't move my heart.

Its not fun anymore.

Not at all.

I'm just so freaking tired.

Of all this.

And all that.

Just so tired.

Lethargic.

Demotivated.

That sums it up best.

Demotivated.

Disheartened.

Destroyed.

Reflecting on Stress Theory

Cox and Mackay, in "A psychological model of occupational stress" stated that the human being has an ideal state of stress in which his performance is maximised. Below this state, there would be underperformance due to boredom, and, more obviously, above that level, the person would be too stressed to perform well.

Over the past week or so, i've tested this theory, and found it holds very true. Usually, i am unstressed. At least compared to my counterparts, because i'm lazy and unambitiious. Mainly the latter. I usually suppress (or at least attempt to suppress) the competitive edge for fear of stress. Then i noticed that my performance had dropped. So i gradually started to increase the stress level, turning the knob slowly but steadily.

Now, if i had paid heed to Cox and Mackay, or perhaps had a better understanding of where that idealised stress level within myself lay, i would have been better able to estimate when i should have stopped turning that knob.

Fortunately, turning that knob up just before my mid terms meant that my mid terms (generally) outperformed last year's. Unfortunately nt knowing when to stop increasing the stress meant that eventually (for my last test) i just got too tired to even do the paper.

Looking back at that test, the extent of this phenomenon of lethargy had caused me to not even think during the test. I would really be surprised if i passed that test.

True failure is when you dont learn from your mistakes. Hence lets take failure and turn it into a learning experience. Do not mess with Cox and Mackay. They were right...

- Stress Theory-

benp

The Boxing Match

There comes a time when you should not (not even think of) blog. I've reached that time. And just as human nature would predict, voila. Blog. Not long though.

Just need to say... kids, please dont take a double degree if your lifelong ambition is after all to be a stoner and/or a slacker and/or a shepherds assistant.

They're taking turns to fire in their punches. Started around the recess week. Biz threw the first blow, taking 3 out of my 5 SACRED recess week days. I KNOW that it is against my doctrine to study (excessively?) during recess week; hence it didnt really take away much of my study time. What that DID take away was my precious God-given sleeping time. Urgh.

As if that wasnt enough, along comes engin in full swing, quick on the update to hit me with MidTerms. 5 of them.. Well biz contributed one MidTerm as well.

But then the punches were flying thick and fast. Engin fires in weekly Labs of CS and (PC or EG). The blows are coming thick and fast. And just as i'm on the ropes.. Along comes biz with PROJECT DEADLINES! All coming. Raining down furiously...

And then...

.
.
.

Just as consciousness would gradually begin to drift away, i'm sure they will both come with their greatest knock out blow they can muster - Final Exams. All 6 of them.

.
.
.

And then we can all rest. Finally..

.
.
.

Just Keep Running

I finally have started on revision, 3 days too late. I'm excused, at least by myself. I was tired. Very tired. Went to sleep before dinner last night, and woke up this morning only. 14 hrs solid. No food. Well just as well cos yesterday was Ash Wednesday - Fasting and Abstinence. (Yes, i know its cheating...)

Actually I did wake up for a little while at 4am, but slept again by 4.01. If only i had remembered that yesterday was Liverpool Champions' League match. Though probably I would then have woke up at 4, told myself that it would be a complete waste of time to watch my loserific Liverpool lose and/or play frustratingly unpenetratingly (i.e. like against Man City), and then gone to sleep again at 4.02.

Turns out they did win. But it wasnt worth the risk.

---

Still feeling this blog will be under construction for some time. Maybe minor tweakings here and there. But still all will be well.

I've got a new hobby. No, hobby's not the right word. But definitely i'll be using it to flush a little bit of stress out of my system. Running. Turns out...

• (a) i'm running in the marathon at the end of the year
• (b) i've got a nike training log

Thx gobs. Haha..

I think i need that little (or huge) push once in a while (or always) when it comes to doing something i'm not completely commited to do. But i think Newton's law applies to me. Once i'm in motion, i won't stop that easily.

Well, unless friction gets to me.

All the same, i'm going to let a little element of Forrest Gump's "just keep running" mentality seep into my system.

By the way Forrest Gump is a nice movie. I dont know what it meant to you, but to me, it just shouted these words. "Life's not that difficult. Stop overcomplicating it!"

Which resonates, especially at times like these..

Delta Blog

I really really need to become rich and successful. Reason being i really really need a secretary. How many people would hv only just checked their mid term exam schedule last night? And realise that in fact, mid terms are next week?

I'm pretty unprepared, and yet calm. I dont know why. I've been forced to waste away the past three days with a course. Well, not really a waste, but i'd really hv preferred it if this course wasn't before significant exams.

Urgh..

Anyway just for a change in life - because everything around seems to be changing as much as they stay the same - I'm going to change my blog layout.

Time for change.

For real, this time.

Blurp Blurp Gurgle Gurgle

blurp blurp gurgle gurgle...

ahh..

help i'm drowning in worrrrkkk-blurpp blurpp gurgle gurglee...

*deep breath*

feel like going to sleep under the water.

blurp blurp gurgle gurgle...

/*----------------------------*/
actually work == quite fun;
i'm having a fair bit of fun;
especially with c;

too much fun (neglecting other topics)
bad;
must divide time (wisely)
good;

end;
/*----------------------------*/

haha okay i'd better go to sleep before i type more rubbish...

When Gravity is too Strong

This is general theory, littered with mistakes, but conceptually true.

When a star dies, it has this option. To collapse upon itself, and to become a black hole. The black hole is usually associated with emptiness, destruction and darkness.

I might have taken that path - imploding upon myself. Mainly because the alternative would be to explode. Supernova style. That's not me.

Now i know only emptiness, darkness, and destruction of myself. Perceivably (which ultimately is reality) let down by everything in my surroundings. Darkness - no spring in my step, no smile in my eyes. Empty, unfeeling.

We all have days when we feel it can't get any better. But my life feels like Walls Street.

And Walls Street doesnt seem to be kicking up anytime soon.

S0 we wait it out.

2009

2008 was bad. 2009 will be worse.

Armed with this, i stride forward confidently into 2009.

Because then i analyse 2008 and figure its not as bad as i make it seem. Ups and downs aplenty, people.. ORD was 2007, so 2008 was mainly the year of the varsity. even within the varsity time, there're ups and downs. plenty of them (look at my last post for the downs..).

Ultimately 2008 didnt kill me, and as they say, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. so 2008's made me stronger in a way. and now, ladies and gentlemen...

2009.

Happy New Year. or happy 1st of january.

Damn them

Damn you Amy. Damn you Phyllis. Damn you Emily.

You're not as easy as you were before. Why make me work so hard? Why confuse me? Why not let me score??

Fine. I will practice for you. I will be better. I will score.

I'm lost, you know. Practice papers are supposed to be for revision. Why then am i learning new stuff with each question I do? That's not revision. Thats just.. Learning.

The calm assurance that i'm prepared is ebbing away. Inch by inch. And I havent even started on Emily (MLE). Its not right. Emily was supposed to be the hardest. Probably still is. But Amy and Phyllis are giving me so much problem.

You sleep on the couch today. I don care.

Brownian Motion

Chicken Little says: The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Uni Students say: The exams are coming! The exams are coming!

I actually only notice this sense of excitement from first years... I guess 1st years are the only one's who think that exams are something that can give them happiness after the results come out. Or perhaps first years are the ones who believe that studying actually matters.

Anw i'm one of those scurrying about, even if i probably am more like a particle undergoing brownian motion in a container of fast moving air molecules i.e. i'm being pushed arnd by faster and more energetic molecules. Basically i'm jus moving slowly and randomly. But still moving arnd.

But on a brighter note, i finally managed to catch up with physics. I actually think i understand enough to let me be satisfied. I am going to move on to maths tmr. A more relaxed one cos i didnt really blank out abt it.

I realised that that was the story of my semester. Around 80% through, i jus started spacing out thru lectures. Argh. Paying for that now... But well...

Ok time to sleep early and wake up early tmr and have fun.

Foot/Snow Ball

I'll just say this. Man Utd had made Old Trafford a 2-yr fortress some time ago. Along came Team L, and ended that two year streak, thanks to an only goal by then player Danny Murphy.

Today, deja vu. This time, Chelsea; and it was an even longer streak undefeated at Stamford Bridge. This time it was Xabi Alonso.

How history can repeat itself.

Onto school work, and its snowballing. I should jus try to scrape off some ice from this snowball, or else i'd get crushed. Ah.. here goes..

Newton Ver. II

In the beginning of the semester, i complained that my maths lecturer was boring. And made mr FooSeeBon of VJC look charismatic. Since then, i've slightly changed my opinion.

I could put it in various ways. Isaac Newton was one of the greatest minds of all time. Yet, when he lectured, he often did it to an empty hall (he apparently was a very very bad lecturer.) So probably i'm jus being lectured by one of the greatest minds of our century. We'll see if there's a Tan B.P. Theory coming up one of these days.

I also could put in the way that i once lamented - A master of medieval torture. One could almost imagine the kings of old torturing enemies by tying them to a chair and forcing them to attend the lecture. Or perhaps we could get confessions from captured terror cell leaders. Applications, people..

However, objectively thinking, these feelings probably have a lot to do with the fact that his lecture comes at the very end of the week, after the longest day in the week, Friday. 4pm.

Maybe.

Elsewhere in BP town, we've discovered that marketing is an awesome topic that is also awesomely hard to score in. But fun to do and think creatively. But not fun to get back marks. Urgh. I should jus skip that part of the module.

Two Hoots

Recess is over, and so is mid years. And seemingly not everyone took my advice and stayed away from books over the recess. And pple, u will pay in years to come. Lethargy will soon take over.

And then we come to the state pple after the exam. We thought mr bell curve will help us. we thought he will moderate the marks to make our marks seem nicer. But he's giving us hell. pple can get 18/20 for exam and still be disappointed cos the mean is 17 (i'm not talking abt myself). but i guess thats an intro to uni life - that we're all part of this big group called mediocrity. We could study hard, and get A-. Thats great. But if we'd barely given two hoots, we might hv got B or B+.

So far from what i hear from seniors, sooner or later pple lull into a disconcertment of the whole system, knowing that ultimately how successful u are in the future doesnt depend on how good a degree you get. Case in example - bill gates.

This is jus case in point to show that the smartest people in the world dont need to go to university. If they did, they might not even get full cap score. But their brain definitely works like clockwork etc.

IF mid years were any indication of how final year would go, i'm actually fine. i can rest peacefully. Sometimes i'm glad that i'm not as ambitious as people think i am. I'll probably be glad with jus 4.9 in the end.

Yes, duh i'm joking.

Alvin (my seniior) said that people all come into uni thinking they can score cap 5.0 in the end. Seriously?? Pls pple.. tell me.. did you think you'd get cap 5.0 when u were in year one? or do you stil think you can get that score? i'm curious.

I know i'm nt getting it. probably heading for a C in marketing and management. So not a biz student. Hopefully can acclimatise to biz before the year is up... before the semester is up as welll..

I'm glad i went for army. NS seems to hv sapped ambition from me. Mb the taste of the real world did that. ah whatever..

Live Happy~ Wheeeee!

Recess

Like a primary school day long ago. It has just begun, and then we suddenly come to a recess. And then we all go out and play for the recess. and then we come back sweaty and smelly and ready to learn again.

Now recess is not like that. Why? Cos the sadists say fine, we give you a break, but when you come back you have tests. Tests that contribute to your final grade. Actually i dont blame them. Truth be told, technically, the gauge of the results always come back in a bell curve. so if everybody decides to take recess literally, the net effect would be zero. Unfortunately, as sure as communism fails, this is not going to happen, and whoever decides to actually take a recess, pays for it.

I'll see about that. I dont care. Minimal studying.

I started out planning a whole timetable for studying and stuff. Then i jus said screw it. The lack of ambition in me spoke loudest again. So here goes with recess.

Ironically i think i'm gg to study most for the two modules that arent being tested cos these are the modules i'm most blur about. Management and Marketing.

I think i'm more stressed abt my students' tests which are after this recess week. esp the JC one. hopefully can promote. =s..

Bottom's up.

Today I hit rock bottom. I heard that God will make himself seen to us when we hit rock bottom. And so when I hit rock bottom, I jus knelt down and prayed. Not normal prayer, which I realise i've been missing. Prayers of desperation. And he answered.

Slowly one by one, the obstacles melted. Even while it was happening, I doubted. I felt the bridge shake in my head. I felt implosions almost buckling me to my knees. And then I let go, and let God.

And he gave me a bonus at the very end - I met Colin from SFX. Who's working at the place of my dream job. Institute of Materials Research! I'm thinking of doing an internship there some day. We'll see.

Phyllis Returns!

My first agenda on today's List is Blogging. yup...

So, one more week has passed and uni life is beginning to adjust itself upon me. Rather. i'm adjusting my life to it. Still for now doing stuff tt i like and am enjoying it whole-heartedly. Tutorials are starting next week and labs are starting soon. So my life's jus going to get more and more busy, esp with tuition and all. and apparetnly i think i'm taking 5 core modules. So perhap;s that makes life a bit harder.

The consolation is that i enjoy my work. For e.g. I nearly flipped with excitement (shan't repeat the use of the word 'orgasm') when i finally received my physics tutorial! It is sooo totally exciting! And challenging, albeit a simple reference to my F-maths notes would enable me to solve all possilbe physics questions for this semester, i feel.

(I used to call the subject physics by her name phyllis and i fell in love with her)

On the duller note, i'm beginning to wonder if i can actually sustain this level of enthusiasm for the next 5 years. We'll see once tutorials start.

Second on my list is Homework. My musings can wait. Perhaps go find the musings of certain cotton-based critters.

Free Day

First I have to thank a few groups of pple for this wonderful occasion. Without them this Free Day couldnt hv taken place.
1. My dearest Vibs, who arranged my timetable for me helped me arrange my timetable
2. Engin Fac, for giving me my preallocated modules such that there was a possibiltiy of a free day.
3. A Biz Fac screw up tt allowed me to bid for my own modules OTOT.
4. God who oversaw all of this.

Yanyway, a free day may seem to be commonplace (most pple seem to hv it), though i think less common for DDP pple, so i'm thankful. In any case it wasnt much use as yet, seeing as heavy duty work hasnt started as yet, and now is apparently (honeymoon) period.

As for now i'm addicted to work. There's smthg wrong with me. I woke up today morning thinking its Friday n i hv to go to school. Urgh. Probably this enthusiasm will die out soon. Or perhaps it won't. It might be fuelled by the fact that i'm back in my element - my element is so not running arnd like a monkey arnd monkey bars, keeping fit, being commanding tt is so prized by the military. Nor is it the bed, as prized by Pawai.

Its probably the quest for knowledge - the continuous and never-ending quest for omniscience. Or at least towards a minor negligible fraction of it.

Well known fact - the higher we study, the more questions we have. This trend continues, and we realise that we just don't know anything abt this world.

Perhaps stop with the realisation that apples fall towards the ground. And leave it there.

---

Anyway on a side note, since Elmo has tagged this blog, I'd like to let him know that i caught him doing it.Him and harry the horse.

I'm watching you two...

2 Days Later

Just two measly days into my new life, and i'm drained. I'm drained to the extend that I feel that my temperature is abnormally high by the end of the day, teetering on the boundaries between normalcy and the flu. I can only hope this is temporary.

I'm not complaining. I absolutely adore my subjects. Not in a forced, nerdy, muggerish way i.e. I don't spam lecturers with incessant questions, and cling on to each word he says etc. In an adoration-of-it relationship. Come on, what else should i have expected taking my two favourite subjects, and merging them to create three highly interesting modules. (physics + maths = physics + introductory material science + maths).

After all the only subject i loved more than physics at a level was physics S paper. Which was, as best as i can describe, orgasmic. Figuratively. Duh.

I take 5 modules. I only hope the remaining 2, which i start only later on, can even be half as enticing as the first 3...

---

I've met so many pple so far - mainly old friends/acquaintances from various eras of my life dating from pri sch to engin camp.

Honestly, its quite a refreshing change to be back in an academic environment with (generally) like minded individuals. RSAF and Pulau Pawai will soon become a mere distant memory, albeit a fond one.

---

On a more sour note, i've finally been bored during a math lecture. My maths lecturer is of unprecedented calibre and makes Mr Foo SeeBon of VJC seem to be a captivating charismatic lecturer.

Time to Sleep.

Cheers~

Matriculation Day

Finally. Officially. I've found a new institution of torture.

Finally enlisted enrolled / matriculated into NUS today. And now starts the much lamented by VibhaG process of bidding... I think what i'm most excited about is the prospect of eating student meals everywhere. Yay! Watch me bloat up over the next month till i get sick of fast food.

I doubt i'd be allowed to bloat up.

Anw i think i'll get more excited abt my Uni once my lessons start. The momentum to move forward seems to hv kicked in already... Actually opened my book and started studying yesterday. And ABSORBING knowledge. I've got no surefire clue what modules i'll be taking.. but i think i'll know in abt 8 hrs.

We'll see no?

The Worry

I dont know why i'm making my life so busy lately. Or AM I? Mb its a conspiracy to make me busy from external factors.

Prb due to the fact that uni's starting in 2 weeks. Mostly NTU guys are gg in next week. So seeing as a good deal of my friends are from NTU, they're probably savouring their last week of freedom. Though after NS i think there ain't no comparison of 'lack of freedom'.

On the agenda for the past few days included (among multiple tuition sessions) movie plans, bdae parties, soccer games, badminton games, and newspaper collections (WHAT??). Fine, change all to singular. One movie plan, one bday party, ...

Still very busy it seems. So much so that i just overslept on the Engin Welcome Session. Urgh.. Apparently that puts me marginally at a disadvantage.

Hope it doesnt mean that i'm going to miss the bidding, and then not do sufficient modules, and then not complete the requirements, and then get kicked out of uni, and then live my life as a beggar on the streets, and then...

Still the imagination runs wild. I read someone's t-shirt. It said "Worry is the Misuse of Imagination". Easy to say "Wow, thats truly inspiring." Difficult to apply and actually practise that. Still I worry abt every tiny 0.0001% chance of potential disaster. And yet i hope for every 0.00001% chance of true happiness as well.

And yet i think perhaps the above mentioned potential disaster, could also be a blessing in disguise. I think once you can see past disguises, everything probaly is a blessing. Jus a matter of how much disguise God puts on it.

We'll see, no?

The Other Island

As experienced as I am with certain other Island(s) in the Singapore Straits, I'm not with one of the more common ones. For example, I barely go to Sentosa - with the not-to-inaccurate assumption that its generally built to rake in the Yusof's i.e. dollars. I mean i doubt that there're many other beaches in the world with an entrance fee. But hey, i might be wrong.

The next most popular island paradise destination, i'd think wld hv to be Pulau Tekong. I mean a good deal of Singaporean Males do go there, so it ought to be up there on the list of popular island destinations. 9 weeks there, for me. 9 weeks barely aware that Tekong is indeed an island. So i'd give it a no-count on being frequented by me as in island.

Let's discount Pulau Pawai. The sole most awesome and pristine place left in Singapore. It just screams virgin. Rainforest. Mangrove. Coastal Vegetation. There's a 100-year old tree that was thought to be extinct, growing happily on Pawai's paradise, oblivious to the fact that its the last remaining of its species. Or at least one of the last. Pulau Pawai is also generally a partially well-kept secret. It might as well be a figment of my imagination. Hence let's discount it.

Pulau Ubin. Actually (apparently) meaning Granite Island. Finally got to going there today. Went biking with the Engin Camp OG (gender ratio again falling below the national average in nations rampant with female infanticide). I'm lazy to write too much so i'll just upload a few pics...

This is the boat to Ubin from Changi Jetty. Sadly most of my photos are candid. But hey, what better way to capture the moment? This is candid by the way. All Natural...

A photo can never capture scenery adequately. Or maybe its the fault of the photographer. Probably. Ah well..

Cycling through Ubin. And while walking into Chek Jawa, can you spot the two birdies?

Anw there're other photo's but I don't like to overburden my blog with Photos. Plus i'm just too freaking lazy to do so. Guess the rest wld be sitting on facebook yeah...

Cheers~

L(NS)G

Drainage

This is the milestone 200th post @UVLight. Well technically no, if you consider that the first part of the blog's entries was hosted at a different URL. But anyway, its still 200th. Just a random point.

On another hand, I feel the incessant dependance on microsoft now. Sans MS Office, life seems to be harder. Its expensive. I must try to download open office. Not to mention learn a whole new (not really) set of commands etc. Whatever the dollar saved asks for, it seems.

I want to stay at home for the next few days. Just leaving the house leaves me drained and broke. More drained. But still I think that I'm not going to be able to make the daily trip across the island to NUS. And back. I have stayed at home for too long now. And the engine that is my brain can't seem to be started. Oh great.

---

I just hate being me sometimes. I wonder if that'll ever change.

Cheers~

Cobwebs.

In the long long absence that this blog has seen from the rest of the world, I feel that perhaps some people would have thought it dead. Rightly so, for that certain period of time, of course. But as with everything that was never alive in the first place, voila, @UVlight springs back to life.

About 8 months have passed since my completion of my tenure with the SAF/RSAF, yet still sometimes I'd find myself drifting back into the army state of life. Which is another great reason why I'm itching for Uni to start. Though some part of me keeps nagging me that once Uni starts, @UVLight would 'die' again.. Doesnt matter.. Its ALLLIIIVVVEEE.

Ok never mind.

I just had the first little sample of life at Uni (Engin Camp), and though I find it a vastly inaccurate portrayal of what one would really be doing at the Varsity, I think that certain aspects of it does prepare us (mentally) for Uni.

For eg. the fact that engineering is BMT once more. With a startling ratio of guys:girls (7:3 approx), its surprising that the camp exco went ahead with the Secret Pal game, which involves matching one guy to one girl. Mathematically impossible unless we perhaps introduce more complex (and unreal) mathematics. I was in that lucky 4/7 guys that had no partner, in any case.

I'd rather a guy partner la, it'll perhaps be army once over. At least we can talk about army stuff anyway~..

Anyway, apart from that, I feel the camp was very fun - the activities, and the people are so far from what you would expect from Engineering Faculty. I mean, normally one tends to use the environment of and F-maths faculty as input in projecting the expected environment of Engineering faculty. But its so different. People actually have a life.

I shouldnt get my hopes too high. Or too low for that matter. Statistics tend to lie. After all, probably only the funnest 20% of engin fac attended the camp, and the rest of the 80% didn't. We'll see.

At least i got to stay at hostel.

Happily Ever After

I don't even want a happily ever after..

The Black Hole Within

I could think bad things happen to me. But i think i'd rather not thing that way. Definitely bad things happen to me. But so do good things. I guess thats pretty normal.

In this first post of 2008, i'll just not bother to make any resolutions for this year, cos i predict that if i make ambitious ones i'll not fulfill them. And i think the least ambitious thing (which even has a certain degree of ambition) is that i hope to be alive to see 2009.

I'm not bored, and i'm definitely not swamped with work. Not yet, at least. My mind is pretty busy dealing with probably more emotions than it has ever had to deal with. Emotions are hard, and i'm not used to them. Probably the emotion "bliss" has a certain blend of other emotions based on percentages that are unmeasurable quantities. And sometimes the language just doesnt cover what word best describes an emotion. Or perhaps i just don't know the word.

I think i'm feeling "the-complement-of-bliss".

And its so deep down inside that it makes it kinda hard to extract. Even i don't know where it is at or even that it is there. Until of course i strike a curb while parking 8 times. Super Blur and Dazed. And cause a traffic pile up 15+ cars long. Nt good.

I dunno where the hope has gone.

ORD "freedom"

I thought ORD means freedom.. but i seem to be more busy after ord than before it. ARF... Perhaps its because everybody thinks i'm super free (including myself) so we plan lots and lots of events for me.. And thus i'm busy..

Anw i'm done with army! (bit late update.. but yeah..) Surprisingly i don't miss pawai. Not even a bit.

And i'm gg off to adelaide, australia today.. be back on 1st dec! so.. till then!

Wasn't I Finished?

Super pissed. One day notice to spoil my holiday. For a few reasons.

1. Hv to cancel my driving lesson. Again.
2. Hv to go back to pawai after i was ritually done with it.
3. Hv to go back to CAMP after i was done with it.
4. Takes away one whole week.
5. Hv to burn 7.0 days of off-in-lieu.
6. The sms to call me back to office was the first thing i saw in the morning.

Plus point is there is still 9 days to my ORD. Which is not really a plus point since anyway i'd hv 9 days to ORD.

Finale

I'm done with Pawai. No more pawai dogs and their puppies. No more court maintenance. No more pristine island.

Had a ritual involving throwing away my pawai toothbrush and paste, in a symbolic representation of the death to this stage of my life. A lot of plus points to look forward to, so i shall ignore the sadness of leaving behind the island. One of the plus points is myORD. Coming soon in 17 days. And to consider that i actually have 5 days of leave, 7.5 days of off-in-lieu, and 6 days of weekend to look forward to... Well you do the math.

I hv to start thinking of what to do after ORD.

---

I just read the last book of adrian mole series. Its weird cos it sorta speaks (to me) about a sort of escapism from reality. How we might tend to imagine to want stuff that we can never have and never will be ours, perhaps a subconscious yearning for drama; a yearning nt to be happy.

I guess its all fine and dandy to hv a little bit of this craving for excitement, so long as we can see the little, and big, things in front of us making our days tick.

"happy people don't keep diaries"

Well i wish adrian mole all the best.

And i hope jacen solo returns from the dark side (which i know is not gg to happen, at least not in the next 5 books of "The Legacy of the Force" series.)

---

Just came back from squadron makan session. prob will be the last time i'm seeing most of the guys in SI. Awww.. soo sad. riiight..

I think its good that now i wouldnt be forced to stay with pple i can't stand.

Out-ta!

The Chicken and the Egg

We are, in general, familiar with the question "Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?". And perhaps with the exception of a select few who would give a definite answer, the rest of us would refrain from choosing between the two options.

The Chicken and the Egg coexist in a spiral (or cycle) that ensures the continued existence of each other; much like other self-perpetuating cycles. Self perpetuating cycles like anger, selfishness, hatred.

The answer to "Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?" is irrelevent, just as the answer to who threw the first hurtful word or action, or who launched the first assault missile, is irrelevent (or pointless).

Remove either the Chicken or the Egg, and neither exists. And again, there would not be any point to ask which came first.

While I do not play down the importance of learning the past for the purpose of learning FROM history, i think its more on a "good-to-know basis" rather than a "need-to-know basis".

---

Its quite amusing to read back on what i've written and see how much it looks like a mini-political essay. It just makes one realise how alike interpersonal relationships are to politics.

The Cold Wind of Boredom

I've realised that come ORD, I'll be lazing around at home doing absolutely nothing. Its scary to be bored out of your wits. But well.. I guess i'll manage being bored out of my wits.

On a much more positive note, i can start doing my ORD clearance. Finally.

And in a month's time, i'll be in true relaxing mode.

The Hand-Maiden

A great woman once said, "I'm but a mere hand-maiden of the Lord. Let His will be done unto me."

When you're in a boat in a great river, would you hv the courage to let go and let yourself drift in the direction the current takes you? And yet, when you let go, you are not struggling to paddle against the current anymore. You go where the current sends you. You do what the current tells you to do. The current brings you fresh water. It brings you fresh food.

And then you reach the Village at the end of the river. The villagers are panicking as there are people trapped out at sea. So you give them your boat and they go search for the missing people. And you are left with even less than you had when you put your life in the hands of the Current.

Yet why did that woman say what she said? And why am I trying to say the same thing?

Magnificat

Magnificat anima mea Dominum
Et exultavit spiritus meus in Deo salutari meo.
Quia respexit humilitatem ancillæ suæ: ecce enim ex hoc beatam me dicent omnes generationes.
Quia fecit mihi magna qui potens est, et sanctum nomen eius.

Et misericordia eius a progenie in progenies timentibus eum.
Fecit potentiam in brachio suo, dispersit superbos mente cordis sui.
Deposuit potentes de sede et exaltavit humiles.
Esurientes implevit bonis et divites dimisit inanes,

Suscepit Israel puerum suum recordatus misericordiæ suæ,
Sicut locutus est ad patres nostros, Abraham et semini eius in sæcula.

The Finishing Line

Hvn't been here for awhile. I think about a month. Oh well...

Just had another of the "tiring stretches" - consecutive weekend shifts followed by 3 consecutive days of coming back to camp. For IPPT. Which i finally managed to clear with silver. Good enough, in my opinion. In any case there's not much point in straining oneself to get a "nearly-gold" when that's still a silver.

And just when this "tiring stretch" is over, i hv another weekday shift to go for. Goodness.

Anw enough of this mindless tirade. Its not as if its going to help at all.

On a more positive note, i can see the finishing line of fulltime NS. I saw a blank clearance certificate and caressed it. And it got stuck to my hands. Stuck by the glue of longing. Anw i took the precious form back and am going to start filling it in, sans the reference no. which, i hope, will come any day soon.

I think i'll be ORDing as CPL rank. Not much of a chance of promotion, but heck. Pink IC is the ultimate promotion.

Sleepy. I think i'll take this night..

Out~

When Its Over

The weirdest of weird feelings just came over me - ORD is too soon. I just hope it clears off soon.

Actually its prob due to the fact that i'm beginning to stress out that i may not be able to clear my leave before that date, which would be catastrophically humiliating. Anyway its a great feeling to actually start planning your end-service leave. Though i might be left with a massive feeling of vacancy after it. Like after the O levels. Actually after the O levels wasn't that bad. More like after the PSLE.

---

Played soccer again. Lost again. I'm going to use the phrase "lost respectfully" again. 9-4. Not too bad. Now the physical and mental fatigue is showing. It was more evident during the game, though. Must get more fit.

No! I shall blame the scorching sun for blazing down so relentlessly on us. No, technically the sun always blazes down relentlessly on us. So i shall blame them culprits responsible for global warming. The cattle that belch heat-trapping methane gas.

Always blame everyone else but yourself. Its a rule of life.

---

I think for the first time in like forever i've witnessed Liverpool win on the first day of the season. Its a good omen, i think. i hope, rather.

Anw, mental fatigue prevents me from gg on.

Out.

The Invisibility Cloak

urgh.. my personal record is gg to be broken; i hvn't been back to office (i.e. Tengah) since 6 July (3.5 weeks ago).

But then its nicer to consider that i've been to office only twice since June 21. (5.5 weeks ago)

And i'm mentioning this now because i'm being forced to go back tmr, even though i have off. And that's an honour above honours, to be forced to come back because u've vanished for so long.. Truly i've inherited the Master's (known by his codename Rikimaru) Vanishing Ability..

Guys. Be Jealous.

And in that time (technically, a small portion of it), i've finished HP7. So sad... HP series is over.. Oh well..

12 more weeks to 6/nov/2006.

98 more days.

a shitload more hours. grrr...

Well, at least we're past 100. Cheers~!

HP7

21st July 2007.
Harry Potter is out, finally!! Can't wait for him. But wait. I didn't preorder. Damn.

Phasing Out

I donno wats up with HP 5. I think its possible that making a movie out of a best-seller book like Harry Potter is a good business move. You can even hire the worst possible actors, script writers, camera men, directors, producers etc.. and STILL it would be a blockbuster. It would do well to have respectable advertisements. But seriously, almost everybody who watched HP5 (Order of the Phoenix) says its a disappointment. And STILL I want to watch it. I STILL don't understand why..

Still donno when i'm gonna waste my $8 watch it.

---

Went walking around AMK Central. A perimeter stretching from anderson sec sch to kfc. A few rounds.. i think its part of the nostalgic phase where we realise that "damn, 19 years old already.. going to lose teenage status!" And its not that we're old or mature or ANYTHING like that - that's quite common sense. Its just that when you see little andersonians walking around, probably wondering "why are these three people gazing up at our school?", you just realise that since u were gone, the school looks like rubbish.

And its not because its disgustingly painted or anything - its just that its different. And that's just wrong. (technically, it IS painted as if the painters were colour blind)

Argh 19years... Hv to make a list of things to do before i turn 20. ORD will top that list.

I think it'll be a retrace my lost teenage years. awwww...

---

i also looked through my old stamp collection today. And i realise that if i keep that stamp collection long enough, i could probably show my grandchildren the stamps.. and they'll just look at me in confusion and ask smthg like "why on earth would pple ever need those? why didnt u just send those people e-mails? or chat with them on msn (or whatever) or smthg?"...

I still wonder how my dad (the one whom i took over the collection from) has stamps for rwanda and bolivia. i doubt half of us singaporeans even know where those places are. or if they even exist.

I also looked thru my coin collection. at my pre-euro dollar currency.. and i'm wondering if that collection would ever get phased out by a world-dollar..

Everything's getting phased out little by little... Wonder when's our turn. Cue Terminator Movie.

Out.

Bayshore Road

I learnt something new today. I learnt where Bayshore Road is. And I learnt that upper east coast road is quite far away from east coast park.

And i'm sharing my knowledge with you today.

Note: the last exit from east coast park to marine parade road is at lagoon. Still don't know where the exit is though.. whatever..

sleepy now.

Goodnight~

Save the Cheerleader, Save the Earth

07/07/07. Apparently this is a very special date.. Really, its been happening for the past 6 years, pple.. [01/01/01 - 06/06/06.] Furthermore it will happen for another 5 more years till 12 DEC 2012. I'm personally waiting for 13/12/11.

Anw, they selected 07/07/07 for a "Save The Earth" concert. Its about time they start spending energy to save the planet. I came across a very clever idea (someone else's) to save the earth..

"Stop at 2 kids!". Ya i guess its a good idea, i mean, after all, human beings are the folks mainly responsible for our planet's ailments. (I know cows also contributes to global warming by farting alot..) I also think its a good reason to legalise euthanasia and abortion while we're at it. Wait, why stop there? Why not legalise weapons of mass destruction - the most effective way of getting rid of us, the main cause of global warming?

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World - This doesn't hold true.

Anyway i think the earth can be saved. If it can't then mother nature will just take it out on us. Problem solved (QED).

---

I've just finished the busiest week i've had in some time. It started off with missing maintenance day, and thats when i thought i was quite lucky... Well...

Then came the nonsense, first ChiefAirForce Visit and movie on 29/06; then NDP Preview (more on that later), then Weekday Pawai shift, and parade on the downshift friday, followed by Presidential Garden Reception on Saturday and Sunday. And finally today i'm resting - slept till 12noon. But that's chiefly because i was watching federer win nadal at wimbledon.

[7-6, 4-6, 7-6, 2-6, 6-2]

---

The NDP Preview on 30/06 so cheated me of my money ($0). No Fireworks!!! they said it was a full rehearsal! whyyy no fireworks...?

Actually apart from that it was quite okay. the floating platform enables effects that previously were not possible- i.e. cool RSAF and RSN displays and other things i don't wish to spoil for those who would actually mind. I like the stadium - its quite colourful. Blazingly bloody hot though..

Anyway, Save the Earth. Out.

Malacca

Welcome home to Singapore and dreary work.

Back from Malacca, which was a family trip. Extended family trip. The main purpose of this mission, according to the chief planner of the trip (my aunt) was to see 2 sights.

The Shoe Shop, and the Clothes Shop.

And i'll be glad to say that that mission was accomplished. Anw with my usual animosity towards shopping, i conveniently missed out on a fair bit of the shopping by relaxing at the hotel, which, mind you, was quite comfy.

Well, it had air-con and a nice view. i don't ask for much.

Yeah, i know thats the Lobby, but still, we at least can tell the room has aircon.

Dunno what they're building on that island. Still doesn't look like much compared to my Pawai.

So taking the pilgrimages to the Shoe/Clothes shops aside, the main highlight for MY vacation was the Food. I'm guessing i'd put on a couple of kilos which i still haven't burnt off yet. I'll do it soon..

I think should one bother to measure the to-Malaysia and the from-Malaysia side of the causeway, i think one would discover that the from-Malaysia side sags a bit more than the to-Malaysia side. I don't think many vehicles leave singapore heavier than when they enter singapore.

Anw i digress..

We had portugese-malaccan food, nonya-malaccan food, not to mention sumptious breakfasts in the morning in which i would eat till lunch and dinner were catered for.

Thats Nonya food - the apparently-famous chicken rice ball. Which is just a ball of chicken rice. and flour. But i'm not a culnirary expert so i shan't give u the exact ingredients of the chicken rice ball.

This is the Portugese Settlement food place. If you ever go here, and then the waitress asks you if you want chilli in your food, say either "no", or "a little". don't under any circumstance say "of couuursseeee!". We tried that.

We got something i'ld term a chilli overdose. Fortunately we had a doctor on the trip, so all cases of diarrhoea and tummy upsets were easily medicated.

Very content after a nice nonya-style dinner...

---

And now very content back in singapore... Though i do realise that some day i'm gg to have to start working off the excess spare tyres i gained in malacca.

I also returned home with a few clothing articles that were purchased with optimal speed. I think i've discovered the secret to efficient shopping.

Even saying the phrase 'efficient shopping' sounds like an oxymoron. But the trick is to peruse all available articles for those that you most like, disregarding cost. Set your standards very high, or else you'd end up having to decide what you want.. Then agree with yourself that all the articles in ur possession are of equal standard, and choose the cheapest one.

NB. This methodology works best when shopping in M'sia. Do not try in a shop full of branded goods etc.

I shall offer a further reminder that i have approx 10 shifts to go. which seems very little.

I am also gg to redesign my blog. soon.

Junee

Liverpool has lost the Champions' League Final. Oh well, the consolation is that we won it 2 years ago when we never should have won it. whatever.

My life is slack. I realise that now. A good and well-used life has little or no breathing space. So i shall pack my life a bit more (nevermind the initial repercussions) so that i get used to uni life. Or life in general actually.

Besides, we only have one life innit? Best to make use of it fully.

Today also marks a sad beginning. Its the beginning of the holidays. And that brings along the realisation that I don't have holidays. I am going UPSHIFT tomorrow. What a beginning to the holidays. And i looked at my calendar, it seems i'm packed for this june. At least the early part.

The later part of the june holidays I'm free-er i hope. I think its something to do with my Malacca trip!! So excited. Malaysia rocks. The prices, the foods, etc.

Btw, i'm in Malacca from 14-17 June.

On a more serious/disappointing note, I'm going upshift tmr... And the coming shift seems to be a very hardworkign shift. Sadly..

But on the more positive note, i'll be watching pirates on downshift!!! Can't wait.

i hope...

Anw, need to go.
After all, I'm busy! Wahaha..

Life Intersect (RSAF)-Complement

184 days to ORD. The time has come for me to oil my rusty brain.

Flipping through this blog's archives, i realise that there was a time when i could at least write good (respectable) english. At least by my standards. Now, in retrospect, it seems impossible to reproduce those standards. so yes, sandpaper, and then oil.

Let me say something.Liverpool 1-1 Chelsea (Liverpool wins 4-1 on penalties)

Yayyyy! Its a repeat of last last season's champions league final. I don't care if we (by we i mean liverpool) lose or win. We're in the final again. Woohoo!

184 days to ORD. Wait. i think i've mentioned that already. the ORD fever is hitting. sgt ong has just ord, which brings up the number of pple i've witnessed ORD-ing before me to 10!. 6 more months to ORD!.

Ian did a simple calculation - i've only got about 12 more shifts to mount on pawai. and that seems very little. on one hand that means that i should try to enjoy life on pawai as much as possible. on the other hand, i doubt being in the so-called "ord-mood" so early would do much good.

whatever.

anw i realised that my life in RSAF does not revolve around RSAF at all. well of course it does in the sense that its completely unpredictable (which of course stops me from signing up too happily for driving lessons). but there's a life outside NS. and its mainly soccer it seems.

and computer.

FM. it used to mean Further Maths when i was in JC. A quick reference to my archives confirmed this. nowadays, FM means Football Manager. Which is a computer game about being a football manager. Duh.

Anw in the light of the phasing out of the FM (Further Mathematics) syllabus to be replaced by Mathematics of a higher level, (singapore syllabus has changed over a year ago, which makes me feel very old) i think its time to accept that FM abbreviates Football Manager much more appropriately than Further Mathematics.

Still my brain has become rusty in the arts of studying etc (though mind you i'm proficient in computer games such as FM, Sims2, and of course my all time favourite FreeCell!)

By the way i completed freecell games #1-60 in the quest to prove that all 10000 different games provided on the windows games are solvable.

On latest updates, i fell into the drain on pawai while sweeping the drains. And cut myself on the knee and heel. And then 2 days later (today) my toenail got jabbed into my toe during a soccer game. And yes, both "injuries" still hurt.

Also Liverpool will meet ACmilan in the Champions' League final soon.

And i'm 75% through my national service. Well around there at least..

cheers~

Back

I'm back after such a long absence from blogger, an absence triggered by my computer refusing to allow me to post. For some reason. Anw, i have a new com, so naturally i'm blogging again. Though the momentum is gone - too long haven't used blogger.

Anw, updates, yes?

1. Driving. I've had my first lesson. But a combination of lack of time out from camp and lack of free slots is keeping me from my second lesson. At least for some time..
2. NS. A minor calculation has made me realise that i've only got around 12 more shifts to go. Which is quite short. And so worsens my ORD-mood. Oh well...

Nothing much else, though..

Anw i'm hungry for now, this post is just to remove the dust from this website. Will post more substantially another time.

When there's more substance in my stomache.

Cheerios~

Adam's Apple

When God made the world, He told Adam: You can eat of all the trees; except the one in the middle which bears the forbidden fruit.

For years I've been hearing this story and was perplexed. Why eat the fruit? There was plenty of fruit all over the place.. No question of hunger. Or taste. It wasn't that fantastic was it?

Then i realised its just the first act of human defiance. Not stupidity. Defiance. Mommy tells Little Jimmy don't touch the iron (without stating the repercussions) and little Jimmy feels the irrepressible desire to touch it. And get burnt.. And then Mommy has to put a little plaster on little Jimmy's burnt fingers.

Its never stated that God told Adam "I'll banish you from the Garden if you eat of the tree".

Maybe then the world wouldn't be in such a torrid state.

---

On a lighter note..

Well not really, sadly i've been excluded from the shift cycle so i'm stuck in Tengah for a couple of weeks. Until Chinese New Year to be specific, and even then its a one-off shift..

So i'm on 8 - 5 working hours now, working from Tengah.

---

Let me think anything else.. hmm..

Oh yes..

Singapore may win the Asean Football Championships. They'd better or i'd start cursing profanities (in Malay of course) at them. I think i may be going to watch the semis. Any1 interested in gg along??

Tag Me yes.

High Resolution (2007px)

So sorry.

Been a long time. And since i came back from italy long long long long ago, i can't really continue. anyway not much more, apart from a political demonstration and a strike. Doesn't happen in Singapore. thank goodness.

Festive Season is just over, i.e. X'mas & New Year & Hari Raya Haji (secularly) and so are the holidays. yup school starts, and once again you see uniforms dotting the roads. Except i don't cos i'm sleeping thru it. wahahaha. or on pawai, for that matter..

In the spirit of new year; Its common to discuss new year resolutions. so i shall. though i do want to go back to new year 2006 and check out on my new year resolutions...

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
by the end of 2006,
1. england must have won the soccer world cup even without michael owen.
2. and i wanna be rich.

and as i mentioned in that post, they (England) have done that 40 years ago - good for them - and i am rich. wahahaha... rich enough for now lah.

yes, 2006 (1966) was a good year. anyway,...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Snap. Back to reality.

~2007 resolutions~

1. Learn to write with my left hand. Write well and fast enough. You never know when you will dislocate your right elbow or sprain a right wrist. It might even happen during the exam. So yep, prepare.
2. Exercise 4-6 times a week. doesn't have to be hour-long exercise. just enough to break a sweat and a pant. half-hour? or so.. Still not sure whether or not to count sports. someone went as far as to suggest playing chess to be considered in this category of exercise. probably with all the hand movements to move pieces. Enough?
3. Learn to do the split. Purely for fun. (yesh, really random)
4. Learn 2 more languages (rudimentarily). Still thinking which two languages i would take up. My German needs brushing up. hmmm.. Decide later, 365 days to go. bit less... Anything other than Swedish or Norwegian or Danish or anything that i'll never speak as long as i keep a right mind. That list includes Malay.
5. Most importantly, to ORD. i.e. finish NS. not to be taken for granted. my ORD stunt might end up getting me thrown in DB, which would lessen the chance to ORD this year.
6. To think up a good ORD stunt. YESH.. still thinking.
7. To continue to play badminton and hopefully improve. Its always good to exercise regularly and have something that you're good at.
8. To learn the guitar a bit better. no. a lot better. still very far away from doing those super power guitar solos. will be quite cool to be able to do that. plus you need strong fingers. yes, yes..
9. To live till 2008. no point ORDing if you don't get to enjoy the 6 months of stoning boredom (already to a certain degree experienced during NS) after ORD.
10. To be a better person. No point living to 2008 if you become a worse person in that time.

Alright, 10 should do the trick. Secondary resolutions like to complete 50 shifts on Pawai, they'll come by themselves and they're not really important.

---

In any case, i've realised that i've kena shift duty on almost every public holiday so far. except christmas.. i think i've got a bone to pick with some people, yes? anyway, thats later and i'm actually the idiot who sometimes volunteers for these public holiday shifts cos they're fun and i'd get extra off for it. yeah right, mathematically it evens out.

I guess i like to be bored. and idle. and more idle. yep.

Anyway, i'll just end here, saying to all the school people out there goodluck and may your year at that tortured 6-letter word (school) be fruitful and that you may learn at least 50% of what your teacher teaches you. I hear 50% is enough to get you to pass, yes?

The non-conformist Indian in me wants to take this opportunity to wish all Compliments of the Season and a Merry New Year gauging this wish in Std Indian Timing.

Ciao~

Rome Sweet Home

Cliche title, I know.

Anw, I'm back from Rome, Italy, just for an update. Been back for some time already but have been relatively busy since reaching home. Very busy.

In any case, apart from a few unpleasant 'surprises' it was a relatively pleasant trip. Unpleasant perhaps because we went during a time of slight political problem. There was a strike on Saturday, and the whole public transport system was down, which grounded us at the hotel. And we had a run-in with a pickpocket-thief who got away with a fair bit of money. Nothing else, thankfully..

Italy is a country with many sights, no doubt about that.. Let's see..

A typical Roman Street. The buildings don't get higher than this.

The Spanish Steps (Piazza Spagna) in Italy where 2 English poets got inspiration.

The famous Trevi Fountain. One of the countless fountains you see dotting the streets of Rome. But no doubt the most extravagant of them.

A page out of ancient Rome. The load of buildings behind,.. they're old. Really old. I think built by the Emperors (Caesars) of Ancient Rome.

And the Colloseum. Also from ancient Rome.

And all that in just one day. All walking.. OH well, it was tiring, but didnt sweat at all. Winter, you see.

To be continued...